I’ve been spending the weekend with a hope that something excting will happen. Nothing seems to be doing the job. My expectations are high. I’m having trouble reconciling them with my influx of “not particularly novel” happenings this weekend. It’s funny because I realise the reason I am feeling frustrated is because I won’t let go of my expectations but at the same time I want to let them go. Yes. I’m frustrated because I won’t let myself be any other way. Hilarious. No, really, it’s so ironic.

Anyway, so while deep in the fugue of getting nothing (productive) done on Sunday night someone sneaks into my housethrough the use of her key. She’s picked up on my general malaise earlier today and wants to help but I wouldn’t let her. So there I am, thinking, “Booty call? Hmmmm let’s see how this pans out”…

She’s kind of timid and just wants to talk, or rather, I’m annoyed that she is here and stopping me from “important” stuff (Watching Stargate Universe – which I actually want to do with her, normally, but NOT TONIGHT dammit!) and I decided to talk about how I’m feeling at this particular moment.

I’ve got so many things that I want to do, that are all important to me, but when I am doing one, the others slide away, only to return with “Hey! I’m Important” notes on them, so I drop the thing I was doing to move on to something else. Spinning Plates, I think it’s called. While doing this I am also aware that I have done very little in the way of chasing down that elusive dream. Actually moving forward on the path to somewhere. I’ve noticed, finally and formally, that I am basically doing what I used to do, only with different coloured buckets. And I don’t like it.

The whole time I am saying these things, She’s looking at me in an understanding, kind of guilty way that seems to me to be saying something like, he’s only doing this because of me. Which isn’t true, unless it’s taken literally: Yes, I am saying these things because I want to talk to her about them because I’ve finally realised I’m too easily distracted and if I don’t say something it’s going to make the situation worse.

And I kind of look at her in what I think is a hopeless way and shrug a little; trying to say, “I’m stuck, it’s not your fault, but I’d like a hand” just don’t actually expect me to ask for it.

And then she meekly says, “I think I’m pregnant”.

How cool is that?!