Now this has been bothering me for a while, and I mean before I got pregnant. Ben and I have very different religious beliefs. I was brought up in a very Catholic family (I have eleven siblings as evidence to that) and up until about three years ago religion was a very important part of my life. I enjoyed going to church, I enjoyed reading the bible, I liked the majority of the experience.

Lately though I’ve been re-examining what Religion really means to me. I fell out with the Catholic church because of a variety of reasons but the main reason was that it was no longer offering me what I needed, so I went in search of something that would. I’m still looking.

So why is this so important now? I decided about two years ago that it didn’t matter to me if I was married in a Catholic church or not. Parts of it still appeal but it wasn’t everything I wanted. What I could never decide though was what would happen to my children.

Parts of me still want my children to be baptised while other parts don’t and I know that Ben isn’t going to be convinced of the merits of baptism.

There isn’t just the value of religion to be considered but also of acceptance within my family. I don’t want our baby to be outcast, although I’m sure that that isn’t the case. Every one of my nieces and nephews is baptised, I’m even godmother to Nicole, and I know how important that is to my mum and dad.

I just don’t know what my real feelings are about religion anymore. I guess the ideal I held as a child no longer exists but does that mean it doesn’t exist at all for me? I just don’t know how I feel.