Why is it that taking control of your life seems so difficult at first? I remember when I was going through my own transitory stage (mental puberty) and I fought like hell to not be the one in the pilot seat. Yes, I wanted to do certain things (holidays, girls, kids, etc) but I really, really didn’t want to be responsible if things went wrong.

I didn’t want complete control of my life, just a managerial position. That way there was always someone else to blame when things went wrong and I could still take the credit when it went right. I wanted control without responsibility, a childish fantasy about how life should be.

Over time I have realised that this was the source of most of the misery and struggles in my life. The initial anger and frustration I felt during my mental puberty was because I didn’t want to accept this ultimate truth. In a similar fashion to biological puberty (where parts of my body suddenly developed new, seemingly bizarre functions) the fundamental landscape of my mind had changed. I could no longer ignore the truth: that I had always been in control of my life; that I was responsible for what was happening to me; that I am the only one who can change my life experience.

I had additional growth and I had to come to terms with it, one way or another.

Now that I am taking more and more conscious control of my life I can see the results every day. And I do mean, “Every day”. With a finer control of my actions comes a more sensitive reception of their consequences and a better understanding of what each of the variables does.

Leaping ahead of all this is the question, “How can I help others through their own mental puberty?”. The best answer I have so far is the same one we use for biological puberty – “Show compassion for the afflicted; demonstrate that it is survivable and, ultimately, enjoyable”.

Just telling people to behave, grow up, act their age or any number of the other over used, badly thought out clichés only shows how far you have not progressed.

Image by noii (Flickr).