After I quit athletics I then began learning how to dance, sing and act. I trained and practised a lot and excelled in all areas. I qualified as a dance teacher, completed university level studies and was even accepted into an international school for performing arts, but again I would not let myself be defined as a dancer, singer, actor or even as a performer. What was I?

Why do I have so much trouble defining myself? Is it fear of being labelled in a stereotypical way? Am I scared of losing something if I conform to a definition?

When I first found out I was pregnant, Ben said I would make a good mother. Another title, and I hate to admit it but I did once again shy away from being defined. When i think of mothers I think of women who smile a lot, bake cakes and basically give up their individuality to be defined by their children, “I’m little Timmy’s mum.” I didn’t and still don’t want to be defined that way, but I do still want to be a mother.

In reality I am all of these things. I am an athlete, I am a dancer, I am a singer, I am (going to be) a mother. Having a title, if you believe in titles, doesn’t limit you to be only the stereotype of that definition. You can break the mould and create a definition of your own. You can be an athlete and still be good at maths. You can be a dancer and not a bitch. You can be a singer and not be plain. You can be a mother and still have a life of your own. Defining yourself doesn’t mean limiting yourself. It opens you up to the opportunity to explore the limits of your definition and realise that there are none.

Ask yourself “Who am I?” How can you even begin to define that? Even a simple question doesn’t seem to have a simple answer:

1. I am Emma- This is the label most people define themselves with, this is just a name assigned to us. As meaningless to us in terms of what we are and what we constitute as a bar code is on a grocery item.

2. I am me- What is me? This is just another definition, a shortened and simpler version of the name label. Look beyond the “me” and what really constitutes these two simple words? Every memory, every thought, every action ever performed by you is what creates you. You can never begin to define “me” without reliving the entirity of your life.

3. I am what I am- First of all, way to go stealing the word of God to define yourself, but even he didn’t get to the heart of it. When the burning bush stood before Moses and spoke those words “I am what I am” Moses was still required to look at every building block which when all put together still didn’t create what God was. The same is true with us. We can have all the pieces but never see or show the whole picture.

4. I am a singing, dancing, athletic mother- yes I am, but then I am so much more too.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have never felt the need to define myself and I still don’t. What I am goes beyond anything I could summarise into one word, one label. I choose to not define myself into a label, but finally feel that I can be those labels too. While I was afraid to be labelled a mother I embrace what it is and what it stands for but then I am more than just that label.

Image by 1LB (flickr)