When is it safe to try again?

 The doctors say to wait a month before trying again, but when is it safe for me. When will I be emotionally ready to face to possibility of going through it all again. All the uncertainty, the pain, the joy, the emotional ups and downs, the surprises, the changes, the growth. When will it be safe for me to enter that obstacle course again?

When will it be safe for Ben too. He was my guide, my helper, my spotter as I tackled each obstacle and at times  he had to come into the course with me and hold my hand through it all. When I fell he was the one who caught me and carried me out. It was a draining experience for us both. We both need to regain our strength before we try again but when will it be safe again?

Is there such a thing as a safe time to try again?

Is there such a thing as being safe or do we close our eyes, take the plunge, jump into the water and hope we don’t sink again? There are precautions we can take, instead of taking the first dive headfirst we can ease ourselves in, look at safety measures, wear a floatie and jump in with eyes wide open, but even then the idea of it being completely safe doesn’t really exist.

I want to dive in again but I’m scared of what is under the waves. I could come out bruised and beaten again or I could come out with so much more, it’s taking the chance which is the hardest step. When will it be safe for me so as to be safe for the baby and safe for Ben, after all we are all in this together, one family ready to dive in and take a chance not knowing what the outcome will be.

I guess too there is a lesson in there about parenting in general. You can take all the precautions, you can make everything as safe as you possibly can but in the end kids are still going to fall over, they are still going to get hurt, they are still going to cry. We can’t protect them from the world without removing them from it and in the end isn’t it better for them to have a life rather than just be a life. I understand that parents don’t want anything bad to happen to their children but the error is there to not let anything happen.

Safe may not exist but safer does and for the moment we need the time to heal and make things safer.

Image by = xAv = () (Flickr)