I just got back from spending time with Ben’s family. It was the first time we had seen them since Christmas and the first time since we had lost the baby. It was hard and I don’t entirely know why.

There were times when I felt like I had let them down, like somehow everything was my fault. I felt like I had built their hopes up only to destroy them a few weeks later. It was a pressure I didn’t think I would feel and I wasn’t expecting it so I was somewhat unprepared. A few times during the night I had to excuse myself for fear of crying in front of them, but when I actually stopped to think about why I was crying I realised it was silly. I hadn’t let anyone down.

I guess it was a lot more difficult than I was expecting. I’m going to have to just approach these moments as they come. During the last week I have had to face friends and family with hesitation on both sides. I think though the best thing to do right now is to spend time with people who love me because they are the ones who are going to be there for us now and in the future.

Things are slowly getting easier and the tears are furthur apart. We will get through this. I will get through this.