Last night my sister had a baby girl. This is the first of my three sisters that are pregnant and will be having babies this year. When I found out I was pregnant all those months ago I was excited because I was going to have these sisters to help me through the process but now that T-Rex is gone I am finding that so is the excitement.

I knew it was going to be difficult when the other babies started arriving but I didn’t expect it to be like this. It is confusing because in one moment I am so excited to have a new baby niece but then a second later I feel completely lost and upset that I am no longer expecting one of my own. I want to be completely happy about this but I am finding it so difficult.

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about the baby and wish that I was still pregnant. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t question everything I did during those three months and search for a reason why. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t feel like I am stuck in a reality I don’t like anymore and I feel like I am doing nothing to change it. Sometimes I feel like the days don’t even go by at all.