I’m bored with where I am and what I am doing with my life at the moment. My days are fairly predictable and the result is I am in a constant struggle with myself for what I want to do. I’m getting depressed quite easily and I can’t seem to find a way out of it. When I am in a good mood or when I actually take the time to look at what I am doing I realise that things aren’t as bad as they seem but very soon I start with the internal struggle again. I want to be doing something else I just don’t know what or how.

What am I doing?

I was at this point last year too. I was sick and tired of teaching and wanted to do something different. I found out about studying in Singapore and thought that I had solved my dilemma. The problem was that I hadn’t counted on homesickness or the overwhelming feeling I had that Singapore was too much too soon.

After I returned I floated around a lot. I was still confused and didn’t know what I was doing. Then I got pregnant and suddenly I had something to work towards again. Sure it was unexpected and completely unplanned, but it felt right. I had direction.

Now I feel like I am in the same position I was in at the start of last year. Teaching again, not completely fulfilled with what I am doing and looking for something “more”. My frustrations aren’t helping me to decide what direction to take next, instead I seem to be more consumed with focusing on my frustrations.

So how do I get rid of the frustration, decide what I want to do next and remain positive and happy? In a world of choices I have too many to decide on one. I need someone to point the way, but then I want to know where I am going. I feel like I am being torn into little pieces, between where I am and where all the possibilities of life can take me.

Image by SAMUEL TRIP (flikr)