Last night Ben and I sat down and had a discussion about what we will do with our lives, and mainly my life, if I don’t get this contract in Singapore. With six days left until ‘the end of August’ has been and gone and the very real possibility that the jobs have already been assigned and I am one of the unlucky few who have to come to terms with missing out, we need a back up plan.

Sure it has been great thinking that all of our problems are going to be solved by one phone call from Singapore but what if that phone call never comes? What do we do then?

We made a list of what is important and what goals I have in regards to becoming a better singer and dancer and the possibility of making a career out of it all and we came to the following general plan.

1. I want to study singing and dancing more. The last two years I have been very lazy in my study and as a result I haven’t really improved very much and in the case of dancing I have put on weight, lost a lot of flexibility and lost some skills that I used to find easy. What that means in real terms is I need to find somewhere and something to study so after scouring numerous course and finding ones that offer some of what I want, I am going to apply for BAPA (musical theatre), WAAPA (classical), WAAPA (musical theatre), and AIM (musical theatre).
2. I need to stay at Kolbe till the end of the year which means I have to suck up the fact that I hate it here and deal with it. Unless I have another job to go to, this is my only opportunity to save some money for what is going to be a difficult year next year.
3. Work more on my writing and start to produce some of the things I have written into some form other than just keeping it all to myself. Sure this opens me up to the potential for ridicule but until I try, I will only have failed.
4. Stop looking just at what is going wrong and start to focus on what is going right. I actually have a lot of joy and happiness in my life I just get bogged down in petty crap.

I’m not pretending that I am not upset about missing out on this contract. It would have been a dream come true and would have made so many things simpler. I cried and cried last night when I thought of all that I had lost, but it is time to move on. I can sit here and mope about it or I can do something now. I can have something to look forward to again and besides this means that I can still play Hodel in “Fiddler on the Roof” at the end of the year and that is something I am looking forward to!