Ben pointed something out to me the other day that I hadn’t noticed, at least not for a long time. In amongst all my troubles with school, feelings of not belonging and general stress about what the future is going to bring, I have still been able to be so exited and happy that I can’t sit still. These moments don’t happen very often but they can be pin pointed to times when I have either just finished singing at the theater, after a rehearsal for Fiddler on the Roof or when I am listening to Britney at home.

The things that make me happiest are all linked to my love of theater, performing and music, but then how do I bring this happiness out so it isn’t so sporadic? I miss being happy. The kind of happy I remember from being a kid. Where school was exiting and playing outside in the sun or the rain was joyful.

Have I just gotten old?

Have I forgotten how to be happy?

Have I forgotten how to play?

or Have I decided that these things aren’t as important as the responsibilities I now have as an adult?

Yesterday I spoke to Ben about these ponderings and together we have decided that it is time that we did something about our future together. We love the time we spend together but we are fairly unsatisfied with the other parts of our lives. I want to feel happy again. I want to feel that what I am doing with my life is fulfilling and exciting.

Image by WarzauWynn (Flickr)