It is hot.

I’m tired.

I can’t get to sleep.

It is one of those nights when no matter how much I want to go to sleep, it seems to be the only thing my body won’t let me do. I just can’t get my mind to shut off. I am worried about the future now, and worry does nothing, well nothing but keep you awake that is. I keep thinking over and over again about how unclear the road ahead is. A few short weeks ago everything seemed so sure. I would finish my course this year, enjoy my summer break working, travelling and singing, then next year I would start studying for my Bachelor of Music. It was all so simple right?

Then everything changed…

I’m not unhappy about this at all. It is fantastic that instead of having to wait for three years to start my career as a singer I can start right away. I am just a little overwhelmed with the idea. I also can’t stop with the questions:

• What if the audition for the state opera is successful?
• When do rehearsals start?
• How much would I get paid?
• What is the time commitment?
• Would I just have singing lessons at university or would I do other classes instead?

• What if the audition for the state opera isn’t successful?
• Do I then just enrol in the course?
• Do I try a different route?
• Do I find an agent?
• What do I do with my time?

Heck! I don’t even know when the audition would be! It is all very confusing. I think it is all happening tonight because 1) I had a good day today and my mind can’t cope with that idea 2) Tomorrow would have been my audition for another university which I have now decided not to attend because of the decision made at my performance exam, despite having paid $190 for the audition application (which I am a little annoyed about now) and 3) I really really want a clearer idea of what I am doing and where I am going (which is next to impossible for performing).

I’m hoping now that I have written this down I can at least get some sleep. In the morning I realise I will look at this post and realise how silly I was being. In the meantime…Goodnight!

Image by geodesic (flickr)