Author Archive
Oh the places you will go!
As usual, it seems, it has been a while since I have written on here. Not entirely my fault. I did write two posts on my mobile phone which until recently I thought had been posted. They have since seemed to have disappeared completely. I don’t think it would be worthwhile trying to rewrite them as they were written in a particular space and time which, at this very moment, is no longer applicable. The original meaning of the posts would probably be lost somewhere in trying to recreate what I was then.
That in itself though has got me thinking. I can’t recreate what I was at any time in my past. I can try and I can probably come close but time is always flowing on and the changes, however small they may be, will always have an impact on what I am now.
A friend recently posted about where she was and what she was doing at various intervals in her life. Just last week I was talking to Ben about how when I was eleven I wanted to be a vet. I constantly look at my present and insist that I am not moving anywhere, that I feel “stuck”. So today I thought I would take some time to look back on particular times and places and what I was doing and expected for my future.
23 years ago:
I was five years old. I was attending primary school. My best friends were a boy who lived down the road, Samuel, and two girls Kathy and Tanya. I had just been to see the Little Mermaid and would occupy my time singing and swimming with my legs tied together pretending I was Ariel. My ambition in life was to grow up to be a mermaid. I remember praying every night “When I die can I please come back as a mermaid?”
20 years ago:
It was an Olympic year and our class at school were doing lots of Olympic themed activities including a diary writing exercise on “Where will we be during the 2000 Olympics?” At that stage I was going to Little Athletics and was sure that by the year 2000 I would be representing Australia in race walking or driving my car across the Nullabor to go watch my first Olympic Games.
15 years ago:
In my early years of high school I went a little strange. I still loved my athletics and Disney was still setting my sights on finding a prince but I was also becoming more and more interested in magic, fairies and dragons. I would dress in long skirts, burn incense in my room and spend my weekends in Fremantle. It was about this stage that I started getting interested in sewing. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life which didn’t help with all the pressure of choosing subjects coming up. I was vaguely interested in the idea of becoming a nurse, a doctor or a paramedic.
10 years ago:
Out of high school finally with still no idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I had always wanted to learn how to sing and dance so I enrolled myself in a singing class and a dance class. The classes clashed with athletics training so I made the difficult decision to quit athletics. I loved dancing and felt a freedom that had been missing from me for some time. I had a tiny little voice when I tried to sing and I shook with stagefright but all I could think of was how much joy singing was bringing to me.
7 years ago:
I decided it was about time that I went to university and got a degree in something! I was vaguely interested in writing so I enrolled in a double degree of English and Education. I found something that I enjoyed and I was good at it. I studied hard and finished my degree shortly after with three job offers before graduation. I accepted a position as a English teacher and taught for two years.
3 years ago:
I was offered a position at a school in Singapore to study Musical Theatre. I hadn’t really sung or danced much since starting work as a full time teacher. The audition had awakened something in me and I realised that while I enjoyed teaching and I was good at it, I wasn’t really in love with the idea of being a teacher the rest of my life. I took the position but shortly after I suffered from incredibly depressive home sickness. I came home feeling like I had failed at being a musical theatre performer. I also had no job and I had put my house up for rent so I had no where to live. I had also invested all my savings into the course so I was flat broke. It was one of the worst times in my life. I eventually found a job singing on wine tour boats which was not very fulfilling and moved in with a friend from school. She helped me a lot!
2 years ago:
I found another job teaching. I loved the kids but as a whole I was not happy. The school was a long way away from where I lived and had a very different culture to what I was used to. I felt very lonely. I also celebrated a wonderful moment that year in marrying Ben and going on our honeymoon to Singapore where I was finally able to work through some of the sadness I had felt while I had tried to study there. I was beginning to feel whole again. With Ben’s encouragement I applied to study music.
1 year ago:
I was studying Classical music full time. It was a big change from the musical theatre I had made my main interest for the past ten years. I was learning so many new things and meeting new people. I was also beginning to feel like I was on the right path again. I wanted to sing and to make a career out of singing.
Now:
Today I am at home relaxing with Ben. We have spent the morning in the garden and cooking soup. I feel content and happy. I have school tomorrow starting with an opera rehearsal and followed by Italian classes. I am very happy with where I am. My goals at the moment are to do well at university and improve my technique, audition for more professional work as a singer, and to put on a concert by the end of the year.
Looking back at only a few moments in my life I can see how far I have come and I can also see how I have changed the direction I am headed. The change isn’t bad. Some things ran their course and changed into something else. Other things didn’t work out the way I had hoped. The change has been good for me and I hope I continue to change. For the moment though I need to sing.
Image by Tommy Klumker (Flickr)
Ben and I started a new diet yesterday. Ben has done it before and lost a lot of unwanted weight on it. I wasn’t all that committed last time and gave up after a day when I realised I couldn’t cut the cord with cheese and bread just yet. This time around though, I read up on the literature (4-hour body) and made some practise meals so I could see how easy it was to keep to the strict eating plan without compromising on taste. I bought useful ingredients and removed temptations from the pantry. Sunday morning came and I was set to succeed!
So far it has been the best decision I have ever made. I’ve only been doing it for two days, I know, but I feel a lot more positive not only about what I am eating and how I look but also my ability to cook good healthy meals. In the past I have only really eaten what was easy, usually meat and two veg!
This is what we had for dinner last night:
Three bean mix, herbed chicken strips and mixed steamed vegetables. In all it took about ten minutes preparation and about ten minutes cooking time. Not only was it easy to make and stuck to the diet but it was delicious and I enjoyed cooking it!
I am proud of what I have done in just two days.
1. I have committed myself to changing my lifestyle to make myself a happier and healthier human being.
2. I haven’t given in to stupid excuses or given up before I started. Instead I made it so it was impossible for me to fail (removing temptation and practising before committing)
3. I have learnt new skills
4. I have found long lost energy and put it to good use
In short I am really proud of my turnaround. I have made a commitment and I am sticking to it.
I logged on today with the intention of writing a post about how confused I am about what I am doing with my life and my singing. This honestly has been plaguing me to no end since I got back from holidays. Before I started writing though I went back and read my post about intentions for this year and realised I had nothing to worry about. I knew where I wanted to be going and what I wanted to be doing. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t know what I was doing but that I was scared of what possibilities may come out of them. I was being lazy about starting because fear was holding me back.
I want to sing.
I want to study.
I want to have a life this year.
I need to keep the small things in mind and not be scared to start on my huge scary and ultimately exciting new life. This year is going to be amazing. I have made that decision, now I need to put it into action!
Last year Ben wrote a post which looked at the year that had gone by. It was a good opportunity to look back on the year, our achievements and our expectations for the coming year.
So this year I would like to write my own review:
The high-lights
- Survived being married for a whole year and a bit!
- Completed and passed WAAPA to an amazing standard
- Ben and I worked together on our first musical (I was in it and he worked the lights)
- Travelled to France and Switzerland, and survived!
Other successes
- Continued to save money by watching my spending (saved enough to spoil Ben with a trip to Japan for his birthday)
- Housing arrangements (Somehow we still have the two houses despite me only working casually)
- Made our first friends as a couple (Nicole and Stephen you are amazing!)
- Conversations on the increase (arguments are on the decline – still)
- I made some new friends and removed lots of the negativity from my life (Year of Happiness!)
- Started working for two new companies with varying results but on the whole very satisfied with my work arrangements
Stuff we hope to learn something from
- It is okay to change the plans
- Family is great.
- If you work hard it will always pay off in some form
Unmentionable things like
- Emma has now finished University and now has to take herself seriously as a singer
- Ben still works for a company that doesn’t deserve him
Well the silly season has ended and it is a new year, well it has been for over a week now but this is the first time I have had the motivation to write on here! A new year means new opportunities, new experiences and new expectations for the year. About this time last year I wrote out my expectations for the year. It was a list of things I wanted to achieve, not New Year’s resolutions more intentions. Things that I intend to do because I want to do them not because I feel on some level that I should. So the time has come to have some new expectations for myself for the year 2012.
Work on my singing and treat myself as a professional singer.
What does this mean?
It means I have to put in the effort if I want to turn out to be a successful singer of any kind. That means I will have to practice every day and practice in a meaningful way.
What will it look like?
Every day you will see me practising my singing. I will also work on my music theory and keyboard skills so I can improve as a musician. It will also mean that I will be working professionally as a singer. This year I will get my first professional contract.
Continue to work on my language studies, with a bit more focus than in the past.
What does this mean?
In the past I have gone to my French lessons and completed the bare minimum to stay up with the class. This year I want to study harder. I want to become more proficient as a speaker of French. I would also like to start Italian lessons during the year.
What will it look like?
Every day I will complete activities in French. I will also continue to attend classes at the Alliance Francais. If I have the opportunity to interact with French speakers I will speak French to them and not resort to English first.
Save money for the future, whether that be babies, moving house, travel or singing expenses.
What does this mean?
I would like to build up a small amount of money so that if we want to go travelling or I need to go to Melbourne for an audition than I don’t have to worry about it. I would also like to have some money saved to help support us in the event that we finally start having babies.
What will it look like?
I have opened a new account specifically for saving. It rewards me with extra interest each month that I don’t take money out but I do deposit money. I am going to aim to deposit $100 every Friday morning into the account.
Look after my body.
What does this mean?
I don’t always do the best things for my body. I eat junk including a lot of sugar. I would like to improve my health through watching what I eat. I would also like to lose some of my unwanted weight, some of which will be lost through change of diet the rest I hope to lose through exercising more efficiently.
What will it look like?
You will see me eating healthier food and exercising. I am going to try and follow the diet Ben went on last year. It wasn’t really a diet but more a change in the food I eat and when. It isn’t a difficult thing to follow if I truly want to look after my body.
Travel more.
What does this mean?
Without a doubt one of the best parts of 2011 was travelling with Ben to France. This year we already have a trip planned for Bali at the end of January and a trip to Japan for around April / May. I would love to travel as much as possible with Ben this year and maybe even by myself.
What will it look like?
I would love to do another big trip this year with Ben in addition to the two short trips of Bali and Japan. I will need to save money and look out for flight specials but I would hope that at the end of this year Ben and I will be experiencing our third trip of the year.
Spend meaningful time with Ben.
What does this mean?
Ben and I spend a lot of time together but I want to spend more meaningful time with Ben. I want to do things that are active and leave us both feeling better for it.
What will it look like?
We will continue to do the things we already do together like eating our meals together and watching silly shows on iView but we will also spend time out of the house, spending time with friends and family. Being kind to each other and enjoying each other’s company.
