Posts from ‘expectations’
2011: Year in review
Last year Ben wrote a post which looked at the year that had gone by. It was a good opportunity to look back on the year, our achievements and our expectations for the coming year.
So this year I would like to write my own review:
The high-lights
- Survived being married for a whole year and a bit!
- Completed and passed WAAPA to an amazing standard
- Ben and I worked together on our first musical (I was in it and he worked the lights)
- Travelled to France and Switzerland, and survived!
Other successes
- Continued to save money by watching my spending (saved enough to spoil Ben with a trip to Japan for his birthday)
- Housing arrangements (Somehow we still have the two houses despite me only working casually)
- Made our first friends as a couple (Nicole and Stephen you are amazing!)
- Conversations on the increase (arguments are on the decline – still)
- I made some new friends and removed lots of the negativity from my life (Year of Happiness!)
- Started working for two new companies with varying results but on the whole very satisfied with my work arrangements
Stuff we hope to learn something from
- It is okay to change the plans
- Family is great.
- If you work hard it will always pay off in some form
Unmentionable things like
- Emma has now finished University and now has to take herself seriously as a singer
- Ben still works for a company that doesn’t deserve him
Well the silly season has ended and it is a new year, well it has been for over a week now but this is the first time I have had the motivation to write on here! A new year means new opportunities, new experiences and new expectations for the year. About this time last year I wrote out my expectations for the year. It was a list of things I wanted to achieve, not New Year’s resolutions more intentions. Things that I intend to do because I want to do them not because I feel on some level that I should. So the time has come to have some new expectations for myself for the year 2012.
Work on my singing and treat myself as a professional singer.
What does this mean?
It means I have to put in the effort if I want to turn out to be a successful singer of any kind. That means I will have to practice every day and practice in a meaningful way.
What will it look like?
Every day you will see me practising my singing. I will also work on my music theory and keyboard skills so I can improve as a musician. It will also mean that I will be working professionally as a singer. This year I will get my first professional contract.
Continue to work on my language studies, with a bit more focus than in the past.
What does this mean?
In the past I have gone to my French lessons and completed the bare minimum to stay up with the class. This year I want to study harder. I want to become more proficient as a speaker of French. I would also like to start Italian lessons during the year.
What will it look like?
Every day I will complete activities in French. I will also continue to attend classes at the Alliance Francais. If I have the opportunity to interact with French speakers I will speak French to them and not resort to English first.
Save money for the future, whether that be babies, moving house, travel or singing expenses.
What does this mean?
I would like to build up a small amount of money so that if we want to go travelling or I need to go to Melbourne for an audition than I don’t have to worry about it. I would also like to have some money saved to help support us in the event that we finally start having babies.
What will it look like?
I have opened a new account specifically for saving. It rewards me with extra interest each month that I don’t take money out but I do deposit money. I am going to aim to deposit $100 every Friday morning into the account.
Look after my body.
What does this mean?
I don’t always do the best things for my body. I eat junk including a lot of sugar. I would like to improve my health through watching what I eat. I would also like to lose some of my unwanted weight, some of which will be lost through change of diet the rest I hope to lose through exercising more efficiently.
What will it look like?
You will see me eating healthier food and exercising. I am going to try and follow the diet Ben went on last year. It wasn’t really a diet but more a change in the food I eat and when. It isn’t a difficult thing to follow if I truly want to look after my body.
Travel more.
What does this mean?
Without a doubt one of the best parts of 2011 was travelling with Ben to France. This year we already have a trip planned for Bali at the end of January and a trip to Japan for around April / May. I would love to travel as much as possible with Ben this year and maybe even by myself.
What will it look like?
I would love to do another big trip this year with Ben in addition to the two short trips of Bali and Japan. I will need to save money and look out for flight specials but I would hope that at the end of this year Ben and I will be experiencing our third trip of the year.
Spend meaningful time with Ben.
What does this mean?
Ben and I spend a lot of time together but I want to spend more meaningful time with Ben. I want to do things that are active and leave us both feeling better for it.
What will it look like?
We will continue to do the things we already do together like eating our meals together and watching silly shows on iView but we will also spend time out of the house, spending time with friends and family. Being kind to each other and enjoying each other’s company.
I had a singing lesson today and I feel just as lost as I did two days ago. What am I doing? I feel like I am pinning all my hopes of a career as a singer on this one audition. Ben is telling me to be positive, focus on the audition and do the best I can. To an extent that is exactly what I am doing but where do I draw the line between believing in myself and my abilities and over committing to the one idea? This isn’t a sure thing. I might not get in. I’m not being negative, I’m being realistic. What is the back-up plan?
I feel as if I have no direction, no safety net, no plan, no idea of anything! I’m really confused about everything. The worst part is I can’t really talk to Ben about it. Every time I say that I am worried he just says “Don’t be! There is nothing to worry about.” If I say “But what if I don’t get in?” He immediately jumps to the conclusion that I have given up already and I have resorted to a mindset of negativity. I honestly haven’t but I am not going to sit naively thinking that everything in my future is laid out nicely because it’s not. There is a very real possibility that I won’t get in just as much as there is a real possibility that I will get in.
I’ve lost my stability is the problem. I don’t have a job, I don’t have a course I’m studying and I don’t have anything on the horizon except an audition that may or may not go ahead. This sucks. I feel happy one moment and very confused and lost the next.
I need patience….and a plan.
People have been giving me blank stares and confused looks the past few weeks as I have announced that I have a super dooper plan for the next three years which involves a whole lot of study, both here and overseas, and no teaching.
“What?!? No teaching? But…but…you have a teaching degree! You are a teacher! The world needs teachers!”
You know what? I’m sick of doing what the ‘world’ wants so I am now off to do what I want.
“But that is awfully selfish!”
Actually no it’s not! I think it is incredibly intelligent and will make me happy. You see last year when I was teaching I felt unappreciated, used and ridiculed for the fact that I was a teacher. I was stressed out beyond belief and was having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning and functioning at an acceptable level. I was incredibly depressed and had continuous bouts of unidentifiable sickness ranging from ulcers to skin rashes. It was quite a horrible year for me.
Ben suggested that I take some time off this year.
I decided to reassess my priorities, look at what had made me happy in the past and try to focus on what I wanted my future to look like. The result was a HUGE turn around for me.
This year I have been studying music, working three casual jobs as a theatre usher and as a promo girl. I have spent every day singing, reading, learning French and watching Opera. I have cooked new and exotic meals with ingredients I didn’t even know existed before. I have gone for morning walks. I have seen snow for the first time and travelled to countries that I couldn’t have pin pointed on a map twelve months ago. Best of all, I have been incredibly happy. I have only been sick once this entire year and only for three days. I have seen and felt a difference in my manner and my outlook on life. I LOVE EVERY DAY I AM ALIVE!!!
All the changes I made this year have made me incredibly happy. Originally the plan was for this to be like a second ‘gap year’ and I would return to teaching in 2012. Looking back though, that seems like the worst decision I could make. Why go back to the unhappiness when I can continue in this new life I have created for myself?
Which brings me to now. Two weeks ago I drew up a plan for all the things I want to do and see in the next three years. It is a very long list, which I will post when I get more than a half hour break between classes and have time to type it up! In order to actually achieve these things I have to make some further changes.
The first thing to do is to sell my house.
This is a hard thing for me to do because I love my house and I love the sense of freedom, responsibility and stability it gives me. My mum said I would need it one day, well I think that day has come. If I sell my house I will be able to pay for my university fees for the next three years leaving me debt free upon graduation. That alone is a wonderful thought. It will also help me to put my first few plans into motion.
Second thing is to work less and study more.
This is hard as I am a workaholic. I don’t like to sit idle and I feel if I am not earning money then I am a constant burden to those around me and I hate that feeling. But if I want to focus on my studies than I need to commit more time to practise and research and that means creating more time for study and less for work.
Third thing is to cut back on my expenses.
I think I have been pretty good about this anyway. I usually buy the groceries with vouchers I get from online surveys. I menu plan so there is no waste at the end of the week. I buy all my clothes second hand (except underwear). I limit the use of my car and travel using public transport. I have even taken to making birthday presents instead of buying things.
With these changes I hope that the coming years will be as wonderful and rewarding as this one has been. I have had some tricky days and hard times, but the good days have been far in abundance.
In the meantime, while waiting for my house to sell, if you see me carrying a box of Freddo’s or inviting you to a fundraising event. It isn’t because I am being selfish but because I am finally following my dream and I want you to help me get there and be a part of it.
I am going to be a great singer. The journey starts here.
With your constant fixation that there must be an enormous Big Bad just around the corner because we have been happy, healthy and harmonious for several months IN A ROW now.
Really. The world doesn’t work like that.
Except when you make it that way.
Love,
Your husband.
X
