Posts from ‘Ben’
Married life
One of the most asked question I hear these days is
“How’s married life treating you.”
It’s a multiple-part answer.
- Married Life is awesome!
- it’s not any different from the life that we had before getting married, really, other than that now we are married.
- there is an elusively mysterious feeling of certainty that I have become aware of that I find is inextricably linked to being specifically married to Emma. I like it, but it’s still quite weird – like I have eaten a particularly satisfying relationship cake and now I am laying on a metaphorical couch enjoying the view of the same cake, un-eaten.
- I am now aware of the times i am wearing the ring and when i am not wearing the ring. Meaning that the ring has changed the feeling i have in my hand (finger specifically) to such an extent that I am neither comfortable with it on or off, but I am aware of it’s status almost all the time.
- when Emma does something nice (make dinner, jokes around, looks pretty) I find that it has an intrinsic goodness to it that previously wasn’t available. Conversely, negative actions don’t have this magnification effect, which is interesting and good.
- thinking about the future is less about what i want to do and more about what we will be doing; in a year; two years; ten..?
- I tend to say “my wife” as often as possible, sometimes inventing ways to add it to the conversation.
I checked with my gran to see if these things were all “normal” and, while I didn’t get a straight answer, she seemed very pleased with them all the same. We must be doing something right!
This honeymoon of ours has been quite an adventure. For Emma, returning to Singapore was more than a little emotionally loaded and for me, well I tend to get caught up in the “is this really worth that?” comparisons.
On the last night of our holiday, we found something so dreadful, so over priced and that it’s turned full circle into hilarity. Hotel 81 Rochor in Singapore is, without a doubt, the worst place we have stayed ever. Why, you ask?
The tiny room contains:
- a leather bound matress with latex sheets that don’t actually cover the matress if you tuck them in (we had to make the bed ourselves)
- The toilet has a shower over it – so to have a shower, you actually have to dodge the toilet bowl.
- The (two) windows are cut in half by the walls of the room and have been filled in with green glass, we can’t figure out how to open them – the view is probably spectacular.
- The pillows are covered with transparent disposable pillow covers – like interfacing fabric.
- And the entire floor seems to be washable tiles with a grip pattern.
It’s so bad it’s good; you know? We have survived the night in a hostile environment and it’s brought us closer together. Our desire to have a good time has won the day.
I think this is a really good result for our relationship!
Okay, maybe I have been a little annoyed with how some (unplanned) things have turned out.
But at least we know for sure that we are never doing the resort thing again for as long as possible. Blurk! to your canned music and over-priced “activites” designed to give us the minimum level of excitement for which we have to pay extra for!
I want my beach shack!
Oh how I thought this was going to be a good idea only to self-sabotage it into some silly mid-adventure.
Time to snap out of it!
It’s all done and dusted. We’re hitched. We’ve flown the coup. We, the undersigned, are in this together.
The wedding, photos and reception were fantastic fun – you should have been there. The conversation; the speeches; the dancing; the bride; the groom; the guests; all perfect.
And now, sitting in a donut shop under a staircase in a shopping mall in Singapore, we are falling asleep.
Perfect :-)
This is my Now. What’s yours?
In light of the recent cavalcade of Very Important Things that Need To Be Done Now; this post by Dawn Michelle stuck a chord with me. It’s something I have worked towards myself, but never formalised. Read the (short) article for more details, but briefly:
- Do no more than 3 important things every day.
- Ask for help.
- Taking a nap is better than doing the project tired.
- Limiting your tasks creates space for play.
- Practise Yoga or Meditation
Emma and I have both noticed the Grumpalunkus has come to visit us more often than usual lately. It’s time to get back on the minimal and happy path again!
Image by lotus8(Flickr).
We haven’t gone running in a while now. My knees feel much better.
Now we walk (briskly) of ride somewhere. Yep, low impact exercise is keeping us sane, almost.
I think it’s more about finding something to do together that involves a little bit of excitement (exploring the local area) that has a low entry price (basically free). I’m actually starting to get to know my fiancé a lot better. I’m also feeling more like a “local” too, which is funny because I have been living here (on and off) for over 8 years. 12 if I count the next suburb over.
I’ve got 15 minutes spare while I wait for Emma to turn up for dinner. Now I can relax a little and watch the world go by for a bit. It’s really quite relaxing watching other people go about their business while I don’t, on purpose.
Really brings it back to me about what I do and don’t have control over. What I can make time for.
Me.
Yay! Batteries recharging at Supa-Rate(tm). This is the life.
Same life actually, different channel.
We seem to have made it through the storm intact and so it was time to go for a run this morning.
Both of us went, so the tally is Ben – 2, Emma – 3.
I missed yesterday because I was up late fixing the roof and mopping out the ground floor. A poor excuse, I know, but it was so exciting (no, really, it was) that I stayed up much longer than was necessary.
Today we started our 30 Day Trial of Running In The Morning. Yes, we’re testing the RIThM method for a little while. Committing to a serious running plan is too much to deal with so we’ve gone the shareware route.
Both of us have been whinging the we are not as fit as we used to be and wouldn’t it be great if that wasn’t the case. Typically, neither of us did anything to change it other than stop complaining to each other about it so often. The squeaky wheel that doesn’t squeak just might be able to fix itself with the power of positive ignoring.
That was until today. We are going running each morning for a month to see if this will address our muffin-top issues. I have an idea that it will do more than that, but for now we are targetting that little extra bit of us we don’t like seeing in the morning.
You know what I mean!
I was on the train watching a little boy have a great time cooing to himself and then bouncing a few loud ones off the back of the cabin. He giggled to himself after listening to the echo of his latest sound exploration. It seemed like he was having a ball.
The mother, on the other hand, was not; she was constantly telling him to “be quiet” or “stop that” and, having not gotten the requested response, just kept repeating herself while blowing rasperies in his ear between cautions. It was most bizzare. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what she was actually attempting to do; play with him or tell him off.
Why do parents in public with children insist that they be quiet? Why are they embarrased about their kids? And why do they try to secretly reward them when they are outwardly telling them off? Such confusing messages must only serve to tell the kid(s) that their parents are insane and can generally be ignored, which doesn’t seem to be a terribly good lesson.
I guess I just won’t understand until I have one of my own.
Image by Lars Plougmann (Flickr)
