Chicken Treat, Hodel and 400m
So tonight I was sitting on the computer pretending to get some work done, when the reality was I was surfing YouTube and going through random photo albums on Facebook, when I decided that I was hungry. I couldn’t be bothered changing out of my pyjamas so I decided that I would take the risk and go to Chicken Treat in them anyway. I mean really, no one I know lives near us so the chances of running into someone I know were slim to none. Turns out those chances were more in my favour than I had imagined.
I strolled into Chicken Treat, to complement the outfit I decided to go sans shoes, and before you ask why I didn’t just go through drive-through, well I managed to break my electric windows in my car to the point that they now no longer wind down. Anyway, behind me I heard the door slam which made both myself and the guy in front of me in line spin around in astonishment and wouldn’t you know it, that guy knew who I was.
I haven’t seen this guy since highschool. He wasn’t even in my year but the year above. I still can’t figure out his name while it took him ten seconds to remember mine.
Did he just have a better memory than me?
Have I not changed since highschool and he had? He was at least 20kg heavier than when I last saw him.
Maybe I was just a little weird in highschool and have managed to etch myself onto other students memories?
Whatever it was it 
was weird. What made it even weirder was that all day I had been trying to figure out why I had won the role of Hodel in “Fiddler on the Roof”. I had received a phone call earlier in the day informing me of the decision and had been pondering all day why they had chosen me. After all Hodel is supposed to be seventeen and I was sure I was too old for the part. Maybe the fact that this boy who knew me when I was seventeen could still recognise me while I had no idea who he was, was a signal that maybe I don’t look at myself in the same light as others.
I put myself down a lot and don’t expect much. I look for reasons why I can’t do things rather than why I can.
On Friday I was working at the school’s athletics carnival doing time-keeping. What surprised me while doing this rather bland job was the fact that out of all the students at this highschool, the sixteen year old version of me could have outrun all but one student in the 400m, yet when I was sixteen I thought I was fairly average at athletics.
It has been a slow realisation this week that maybe I am actually a lot better at things than I give myself credit for. I’m not going to suddenly change and start swaning around voicing the wonders of my endless talents but I am going to give myself a little more credit for the talents that I do have. After all, it is too late for sixteen year old Emma to realise she is a good runner and give it more, but it is not too late for twenty-six year old Emma to start training for the goals she has now.
Image of ME running in the Staff relay team at the Athletics Carnival! Go Rice House!!!
The simple steps to happiness:
- Feel.
- Simplify.
- Repeat.
The fine print:
Feel – We’re incredibly complex. No one is ever 100% happy or sad; or angry; or anything. How you feel right now is a mix of various emotions, in different amounts, that is constantly changing. This is the human condition. Be Human: dive in to these feelings and see them for what they are.
Simplify – What is causing each of these emotions? Where does the anger come from? The happiness? The fear? Allocate feelings to causes. Give them a weighting. Eliminate those that you no longer require or that, upon inspection, are not relevant. Focus on what IS relevant. Focus on what you want to be important.
Repeat – When you are able to simplify as quickly as you can feel; when you can focus on the feelings you have decided are important AS YOU HAVE THEM; then you will be content. Until then practise feeling and simplifying, feeling and simplifying. See? Your life is changing already!
The hidden (zeroth) step is: Exist – You are here. You are now. Without you none of this is possible. As far as you are concerned, nothing exists if you don’t either. Alternatively, a rock does not know it is a rock and therefore, to the rock, it does not exist.
I am sitting in a class with four year 11 boys and we all know that we are wasting our time being here. I am confined to teach what the curriculum says I must teach, which at the moment is an incredibly outdated novel written in the 1980′s. This novel is so ingrained in the curriculum that I studied it when I was in high school.It is boring, old and completely irrelevant to their lives and interests.
These kids are confined to be here too. They would rather be smoking dope, riding their scooters or throwing rocks at trains. Getting them to read a novel is so far out of their realm of reality. Yet here they sit, in a darkened classroom attempting to read and to maintain their interest.
Why are we all confined by these invisible ties. Not just in the school room but in everyday life. There is this unseen force confining us into things we don’t want to do, often because we can’t see any point to them.
What do we want to be doing and how can we do it?
Is there a point to it all and we just can’t see it? Or are we right in our gut instincts and we are wasting our time and should be off doing what we love and enjoy?
Maybe our parents were right and we’re doing it simply because it is “good” for us?
On of Ben’s favorite things to do whenever we catch the train into the city is to look into the crowd or down the train carriage and try and spot someone who is smiling on their way to work. He very rarely finds someone. They are off to spend eight hours of their day in a place which makes them so miserable they can’t even fathom a smile. Why are we content to do this to ourselves? Surely we aren’t so tied to our sense f responsibility that we are prepared to spend our lives being miserable.
I can’t get out of teaching this book, but I can find an interesting way around it. I don’t want to spend the next six weeks boring my students. For the moment we are stuck in this panoptican, we will still work away busily until our jail term is up. In the meantime we can be miserable about the predicament we are in or we can take a deep breathe and smile on the train. Who knows what could happen? We could soon all be travelling to work in a carriage of smiling people, and wouldn’t that be a better way to start our day?
Image by Askthepixel (Flikr)
Last week I attended auditions for Universal Studios Singapore. It wasn’t my first audition and it probably won’t be my last, but looking around the room and listening to some of the conversations that were taking place it became very apparent that for a lot of the people there it was their first audition and many of them were learning what it means to audition while they were auditioning.
So I decided that it would be a good idea to put together a little list of things that I have learned over the years that have helped me in any audition situation. Some are blindingly obvious but others you don’t realize their importance until it is too late.
1. Know what you are auditioning for!
When I turned up for the Universal Studios auditions there was a lady in front of me, well into her late thirties. She had received a call the night before from her agent informing her that there were auditions on for singers. With no information beyond that, she promptly turned up and then proceeded to ask everyone who would listen to her what the audition was for. It became apparent to her after entering the holding room and seeing that everyone was under thirty and dressed to dance that she was not at an audition she was suited for.
2. If there is an audition brief read it until you can memorize it and bring it with you to the audition!
Universal had four different shows they were casting each requiring a different skill set. They had a monster show which was very hip-hop based and pop rock. Then there was the Kowabunga Kove show which was loosely based on the musical Hairspray and featured a lot of 50′s dance moves and cutesy bubblegum tunes. Then there was the Madagascar show which is all suit work and the Shrek 4D show which required excellent impersonation skills. Knowing what is on offer will help in your performance and shows that you want to work for them.
3. Don’t limit your options by only rehearsing for the roles you want!
On my audition sheet I had put that I wanted to audition for the Monster Rock Show and the Kowabunga Kove Show. In addition to looking at these two shows on YouTube and researching the role requirements, I also researched the other shows and characters I didn’t think I was suited for (either because I was too tall, short, no the right skin colouring etc). It paid off when I was asked to read for the role of Betty Boop. I had watched a couple of cartoons on her and was familiar enough that I surprised the audition panel with a good rendering of a Brooklyn accent.
4. Wear something appropriate!
There was a number of girls who turned up for the dance part of the audition in crop tops, fishnets and micro shorts. Universal is a family orientated theme park, dressing like a stripper did these girls no favors (in fact a number of them were asked to put shirts on before being allowed to audition). Remember what you are auditioning for and let that steer your wardrobe choices. Also try to wear something distinctive like a bright colored shirt or leotard, avoid all black and writing on shirts. Anything that draws the attention away from you like funny pictures or slogans is never a good idea.
5. Wear the same outfit to each call back!
Where possible wear the same outfit to each callback. At the Universal Studios auditions there were over 100 different girls auditioning. by wearing the same outfit to each callback the audition panel has an easy reference to who you are and will remember you much easier. Remember you got a callback because they liked what they saw, so don’t change it!
6. Give an opening night performance!
Rehearse your piece so much that there isn’t a chance in the world that you will stuff up. Your performance should be as polished as it would be on opening night. The audition panel wants to see what you have to offer so you want to offer your best.
7. Don’t engage in gossip or idle chit-chat in the holding room!
That doesn’t mean you have to tell people to piss off if they try to be friendly, just remember that you are there to audition not to catch up on what happened on the weekend. Keep your focus and concentrate on the job at hand.
8. Warm-up properly!
It can be daunting to start warming up your voice in a crowded room but believe me it will make life so much easier for you. As soon as it was announced that we would be singing first I took my vocal exercises warm-up tape into a corner and started to warm up. I felt ridiculous calling out “I love to sing” into a crescendo but it made me feel so much more at ease when it was my time to audition. You really need to forget about everyone else and just concentrate on yourself.
9. Be nice to everyone, not just the audition panel!
Some auditions will have a PITA inspector in the holding room. They will look like a normal auditionee but they are there to determine if you are going to be a Pain In The Arse or not (hence PITA). Don’t put people down, don’t bitch about other auditionees, don’t say how unfair it is that you had to dance before you sang because you are a much better singer, don’t be rude to the girl at the front desk, just be nice. You will have to work with others if you get the contract and no one wants to spend months on end with a person who can’t go a couple of hours without bitching and complaining.
10. If you are sick, then you are sick!
If you are sick it is okay to tell the audition panel, but only tell them once and once only. You don’t need to tell anyone else and the last thing people want to hear is the same sob story about you being sick over and over again. Auditioners, especially singing auditioners can usually tell when a person has a cold. If you are too sick to audition, put it down to bad luck and stay home. No one wants a sick person at the audition.
Smile and do your best! In the end remember that the audition panel wants you to be good. They are there to find the best people to fill the jobs they have on offer. They don’t want to see people who are nervous, scared, not confident, bitchy or any of the rest. They want you to be amazing…so go be amazing!
Have you ever been so excited about something but it wasn’t definite so you didn’t want to get too carried away but inevitably you do? I have many times in my life.
There was the time when I was ten years old and I had begged and begged and begged my mum and dad to get my “The Grape Escape” board game for Christmas. I believed I had dropped enough hints about wanting it and then two weeks before Christmas a board game sized box appeared under the Christmas tree that I couldn’t help but wish and hope and dream. You can imagine my disappointment when Christmas day rolled around and I opened the wrapping to reveal the “Wheel of Fortune” board game.
Then there was the news of the baby. From the moment I saw those two little red lines on the pregnancy test I was over the moon with excitement. There wasn’t a moment where I wasn’t thinking about baby names, or savings money for baby things, or examining my belly for any sign of it getting bigger. I made plans and dreamed huge dreams for my little family. That all came crashing down on New Year’s Eve.
Now I am excited again. Last week Ben and I went to Sydney. I was so scared about the real reason we went that I told everyone that we were just going on a holiday. The real reason though was that I was auditioning for Universal Studios Singapore to work as a Singer and Dancer. The reason I was so scared was that I have been to big casting call auditions before and have never gotten further than the second round. I also have very little confidence in my singing and dancing ability since stopping any formal training in both things nearly a year ago. I didn’t want to get too excited in case everything didn’t go too well and then I would have to share my disappointment with everyone. I was much happier knowing only Ben and I knew and felt a lot less under pressure.
The exciting news is, that I was successful (and in a nice little twist of fate it all occurred on T-Rex’s due date). I haven’t been offered a job as yet but I am close. I am up to what they call “on-boarding” which basically means that once they have finished with the audition tour they will go to those who have been on-boarded and give out jobs. It does still mean however that I may miss out, which sucks!
I am so excited about the prospect of working in Singapore in a field I love that I can’t stop imagining all the things that would change in my life, but then when I get too excited a little voice kicks in saying “Remember you don’t have the job yet! You could be stuck teaching forever!”
Why does this negativity overtake me all the time? I can be over the moon excited and then that voice sends me into such a depressing cycle downwards that I struggle to not let it take over too much. My experiences in the past niggle in the back of my mind, reminding me of how horrible a feeling it can be to come crashing down but then I still had that joy waiting and dreaming.
I am enjoying this feeling of excitement, but I want it to last this time. I find out at the end of August. I just want to get that phone call saying that I am on my way to a new life.
Image by Prayitno (flikr)
I was folding away the washing today and I realised something wonderful:
This pair of blue jeans, slightly tattered at the bottom, was my favourite pair. They are a deep blue that has, in places, faded to a slightly grey/white. The fabric has a wonderful feel; solid and serious, as all jeans should be, but then underneath that there is a soft, almost velvety structure as they warm in my hands. Boot legged, like twin trumpets ready to play some kind of smooth jazz serenade, they fold very nicely and almost, almost perfectly fit within a triple fold.
Of course, once my wife puts them on, they get even better!
Image by NKPhillips (flickr).
Sometimes, a person you care deeply about will ask you a question.
It may be a simple question, it might even be a statement with an expected response; It doesn’t matter – it’s one of THOSE questions; the ones you have already talked about or that you don’t WANT to talk about. It’s a loaded gun with a hair-trigger pointing at a barrel of TNT.
And you would like to say, “Look; can’t we just move on from this? I understand that you are scared/worried/annoyed/embittered/angry/afraid/negative about this but I thought we resolve this last time and wouldn’t it be nicer if we could spend our time together enjoying ourselves and looking at the good things we have going here; especially since we only have a short amount of time together.”
But you’re running late/in a hurry/a little tired/not paying attention and you say something like;
- “Sure…” or
- “Uh huh…” or
- “Do we really need to do this now?” or
- “Whatever you want.” or SOMETHING…
And then it hits you. Both. The Emotional Tsunami smashes into you and sweeps the relationship over all the old rocks you carefully avoided/re-arranged on the way to where you were and BLAM! You’re having an argument. Possibly The Same Argument you have had before.
Wonderful.
So, how can you avoid this?
Every. Single. Time. You are asked a question; tell yourself this;
This is going to take about 30 minutes. Do I have 30 minutes to spend cleaning up whatever happens so that I can continue as if it hadn’t – because THIS IS GOING TO TAKE ABOUT 30 MINUTES TO CLEAN UP.
Then answer the question the person you care deeply about asked you. If you spend less than 30 minutes dealing with whatever happens after that. You are ahead. You have SAVED yourself time.
If you expect it to take 30 minutes you will change the tone of your voice; you will change the attitude you bring to the answer; you will craft your answer more elegantly, with more care and attention than if you approach it from the “I’m in a hurry” mentality.
It will not take 30 minutes when you spend the time, up front, making an effort to care about the two of you, rather than having to bring yourself to that point AFTER you have had a disaster. Both of you will feel better and you might, just might, have answered That Question for the last time.
Don’t count on it though :)
Image by aeshaw90.
One of the most asked question I hear these days is
“How’s married life treating you.”
It’s a multiple-part answer.
- Married Life is awesome!
- it’s not any different from the life that we had before getting married, really, other than that now we are married.
- there is an elusively mysterious feeling of certainty that I have become aware of that I find is inextricably linked to being specifically married to Emma. I like it, but it’s still quite weird – like I have eaten a particularly satisfying relationship cake and now I am laying on a metaphorical couch enjoying the view of the same cake, un-eaten.
- I am now aware of the times i am wearing the ring and when i am not wearing the ring. Meaning that the ring has changed the feeling i have in my hand (finger specifically) to such an extent that I am neither comfortable with it on or off, but I am aware of it’s status almost all the time.
- when Emma does something nice (make dinner, jokes around, looks pretty) I find that it has an intrinsic goodness to it that previously wasn’t available. Conversely, negative actions don’t have this magnification effect, which is interesting and good.
- thinking about the future is less about what i want to do and more about what we will be doing; in a year; two years; ten..?
- I tend to say “my wife” as often as possible, sometimes inventing ways to add it to the conversation.
I checked with my gran to see if these things were all “normal” and, while I didn’t get a straight answer, she seemed very pleased with them all the same. We must be doing something right!
Another funny school story. Please be aware that this story is a little crude which just shows you what kind of a girl I really am.
I haven’t been feeling very well as of late. My tummy has been a little bit up and down and as a result I have had the worst farts. I am talking majorly smelly, would kill the cat if it was stuck under the blanket at night when I let one of these sneak out. The good thing is that unlike most of the students that I teach I can manage to hold my bodily gases in until a suitable moment when I am either alone or at least outside. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a room with 32 year nine students as a fart creeps around the room.
Anyway, today in English I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My tummy was hurting so bad and with one minute until the bell was due to go I decided something had to be done. I have a particularly disgusting boy, Jack, in my class who finds it highly amusing to fart during class as loudly as possible just to draw attention to himself. Today was payback. I took a casual walk around the room tidying up chairs as I went, picking up a piece of paper or two and then as I approached his desk I let the silent little fart slip and continued on my merry way.
Within three seconds the boys in that corner were all blaming Jack while covering their mouths and gasping for air. I had to try so hard not to laugh as to reveal my guilt. It was too good.
It just goes to show that any situation can be made positive. I had a sore tummy and managed to get not only payback but a laugh out of it too.
Today was reporting day at school. That means the last day before the school reports for the semester get printed. In reality though it means the last day for me to finish marking all those hundreds of essays, posters, oral presentations and reading journals that have piled up on my desk with the intention of “I’ll mark it later.”
I knew I wasn’t ready for today. I panicked on Friday and spent my two free periods, lunch and some time after school finishing off marking Year 10 exams. Then exhausted I carried an armful of year 9 essays home with me with the intention of marking them ‘sometime’ on the weekend. 9pm last night I realised I hadn’t done a damn thing about them and tried in vain to get started. By the time I started marking the fourth essay I was drifting off to sleep, exhausted from having worked a 9 hour shift at my other job.
Why do I do this to myself? I always have the best laid plans to be organised but other, more important things, always seem to get in the way. In the end I did get all the essays marked and got my marks into the computer in time, but that meant allowing one of my classes to have a ‘reading lesson’ in the library while I frantically finished off the last ten essays in the pile.
The funny thing is I feel fantastic now knowing that it is all out of the way and my next lot of marking isn’t until after the holidays. Why don’t I get organised in time so I can still have this feeling of relief and happiness, without the feelings of stress and that dreaded “Oh my God! I am never going to get this done in time!”
Someone once told me that the reason we leave things to the last minute is because we thrive on that feeling of panic. It makes us feel alive for those few frantic hours where we wonder “Will I make it?”. It is the closest most of us will come to having an emergency. It’s our Bruce Willis moment, we’re looking at the bomb ticking down to zero, not sure if we should cut the red or the blue wire. One is going to save us the other is going to blow us sky high and end the movie pretty quick.
I could have done without the drama this week. Next time be more organised….I’ll believe it when it happens!
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