Posts Tagged ‘change’
The singing exam
I sang my three pieces for my exam and felt amazing. I was incredibly happy with how I had performed. I had the right amount of nervous energy to get me through but not so much that it interfered with my breathing. For the first time in the past few days I felt happy about singing again. I had done that performance exam for myself and not for anyone else.
After I had finished singing I was a little bit surprised when the head of Classical voice asked if I would mind her having a chat with me. A look of terror must have passed over my face but I said “Sure. That would be great.” I was prepared for the worst, a list of reasons as to why I hadn’t been offered a place into university something along the lines of:
- You’re too old
- We don’t see any potential in you anymore
- It would be a waste of our time to teach you
- You haven’t improved
- You don’t have the right attitude to be a performer
Every single negative thing I could think of passed through my mind in the split second between the words “Chat” and “Sure”. I sat down a little apprehensively, and suddenly lost the ability to speak.
“You’re probably wondering why you weren’t offered a place in the Bachelor Course.”
I nodded
“It was a very difficult decision to make. Linda (my vocal teacher) and I spent a good amount of time discussing your situation. You have a good voice. There is no denying that. What we wondered though was whether this is the right place for you?”
Cue big puppy dog eyes and a sudden urge to start crying.
“We could keep you here for the next three years and you would come out as a very fine singer but you would also come out a lot older. Most of the girls going out into the profession are your age or a couple of years younger. So we thought, why delay.”
A stunned expression then crossed my face mixed with a tiny bit of confusion and hopefulness.
“Your voice is ready now to go out and work as a singer. We are prepared to help you as much as we can, starting with getting you an audition with the new Music Director for the state Opera. We believe that you are mature enough and you have demonstrated to us your ability to learn from watching and participating whenever an opportunity has arise. We think you would learn a lot more through singing in the Opera chorus and working your way up through the ranks, the more traditional route you could say.”
My mouth has dropped open and I don’t know who to look at.
“We will help you prepare for the audition, you can continue singing lessons here with us and we will help you in any way we can. If you decide that actually you’d like to do the course than we are happy to offer you a place instead. So what do you think?”
It suddenly occurs to me that I need to speak coherently.
“I can’t believe this. The last five days I have been going over and over in my head “What did I do? What didn’t I do? I didn’t know what had happened”
“You did brilliantly at your audition, the improvement from the beginning of the year has been wonderful. Even from the audition to your exam today there has been a huge improvement. You work hard and it shows.”
The rest of the conversation sort of tapered out into discussion of where to go from here. I would have to email them to let them know if I wanted to go ahead with the Opera audition or if I wanted a place in the course. I couldn’t stop smiling and by the time I had reached the door to the Music Auditorium I was in tears.
At the bottom of the stairs was my accompanist, Tim and a friend who had his exam next, David. They both looked really worried at my crying. They both knew I hadn’t got into the course I so desperately wanted to get into. All I could stammer was “They told me why I didn’t get in.” and then I explained about the Opera and the option I had been given. Their faces went from worry to happiness. Ben was there too and I hugged him with excitement, I then hugged them both too.
I was so happy! My life is taking a huge change of direction.
Photo of me taken on my way home from the exam. I couldn’t wipe that smile off my face all day!
I found out yesterday that Universal Studios Singapore is holding their audition tour again in a month. I auditioned last year, quite successfully I thought seeing as I was onboarded but then missed out on a job. It was a really hard thing for me to do and i got a lot furthur than I ever expected I would. I was lacking in confidence when I went and did it more due to my circumstances last year than any undying passion to work at a theme park. This year though I’m not sure it is worth me going through it again.
Last year I was in a place where I didn’t want to be. I was in a large amount of financial debt, I was working at a school I didn’t particularly like, dealing with people and situations which were putting too much stress on my already stressed out mind, I was constantly getting sick and I was dealing with my own personal demons of thinking my life was heading nowhere. In twelve months a lot has turned around.
This year I am in a place I mostly want to be. I have cleared up most of my debts including my huge personal loan, I work for three different companies performing jobs that I have a lot of fun in, I have new friends at WAAPA who I enjoy spending time with and learning new things with, I haven’t been sick in a long time and I finally feel like I am headed in the right direction with my performing. I am learning a lot about who I am and I get to spend my days doing things like singing and learning French, which makes me incredibly happy.
Even though Universal is still there and will continue to be there I’m not going to audition this year. It would be an amazing job and a great opportunity but I am in a different place now. I have chosen a path which is going to lead me in a different direction to the one I thought I was headed for last year.
I am still disappointed that the job didn’t work out last year and I didn’t get to spend a year working and singing in Singapore, but I am happy that it took that moment to get me to reexamine my life and make decisions like going to WAAPA and quitting my teaching job, decisions which were very difficult but have proven to be good for me. I am much happier than I was and with a little hard work maybe one day I will get a contract as good as the one I missed out on last year.
Image taken by Ben of a very happy Emma, a huge change from the dark and stormy 2010 version.
I heard about this great way to deal with having to make decisions that, for some reason, become impossible to resolve without fisticuffs.
B: “What would you like for dinner?”
E: “I don’t know, anything.”
<– cut –>
It’s 5-3-1 time! Person B has to make 5 suggestions, Person E gets to veto two of them, then Person B vetoes another two. The remaining option is the one you go with.
</– cut –>
B: “Nando’s, Subway, Maya Masala, Sumo-Salad, I.G.A.”
E: “Not I.G.A. and not Nando’s; we went there yesterday.”
B: “Okay. Not Subway. Not Sumo-Salad.”
E: “Maya Masala it is then!”
<– cut –>
It’s great because:
- We both get to veto two items.
- The person who didn’t want to decide, ends up saying the answer (which is like pseudo-deciding)
- The person asking the question has to come up with 5 options to start with (as opposed to none when asking the first question)
</– cut –>
We have successfully trialed this game and found it to be both easy to play and very effective.
I’m losing weight.
For as long as I can remember, I have been (within 700g of) 78kg. It’s really frustrating. For me.
A couple of months back we tried not eating any grains for an entire month. We both lost weight. We both had more energy and we both think that it was easier to not fly off the handle during that month. I found out about it via Tim Ferriss’ blog and was very happy that we tried it out. Only problem was; we just sort of tried it out; we didn’t measure anything and tried to stick to the plan, but weren’t too phased when we didn’t. Well, Emma did spend a bit of time feeling guilty, but that’s her favourite past-time.
So I have been very interested in Tim’s new book The 4 Hour Body. Great read, I highly recommend it for people who want to see things differently.
So, I’m doing a new experiment:
The Slow Carb Diet
- Avoid “white” carbohydrates (Wheat, Sugar, Potato, Corn, Quinoa)
- Celebrate Festivus once every week (consume as much, of whatever, as you want) [We party on Saturdays]
It’s not easy to follow, and I have paraphrased it down to the fundamentals because Tim makes some great suggestions as rules that are really reiterations of the first rule.
I did this for two weeks, went from 77.9kgs –> 73.9kgs and watched the fluctuations when I deviated from the plan. My body fat is now 6.9%. This part works!
So now, I’m going from Geek to Freak.
Target: 90kgs of raw Ben.
Same basic diet, but lots more protein. I went to the gym today, it was pretty entertaining. I am sure I looked mighty thin in the mirrors-of-self-love lining the long wall. Another fortnight and we’ll see who’s sneering at who, Conan.
I have a friend who is going through some tough times at the moment and, during the course of some email tennis, there are a few paragraphs that I think bare repeating.
Would you change him, so that you could keep him? If you were to forgive what seems unforgivable (and believe me, it is forgivable, but maybe not just yet) and continue from roughly where you left off, what would you have to change, in your deeply held beliefs about relationships, so that you could REALLY be back in the relationship?
A lot huh?
About the same amount of things you’ll have to change to have your next serious relationship with whomever comes along.
Coupled with…
Know that when you are in a relationship, you choose to be in it and there will always be unexpected stuff coming at you. It is the nature of a relationship between two (or more) people that things will not go “as planned” and so, as you get more experienced with being in relationships, you stop making plans and stick to a generally agreed upon “basic outline” that can be reviewed at any time all members are together.
It has taken me, personally, ~15 years to figure this out and, while I think I’ve got it mostly worked out, I know that I could also have it completely wrong. While I am not exactly “fine” with that, I am okay with the idea that it doesn’t matter so much, as long as I am willing to throw out my old ideas and learn something new when the situation requires it.
I don’t really have much to add, outside of the context of the situation, other than: Relationships are curious things, the more I have the more I realise how much more there is to learn about them.
