Posts Tagged ‘change’
Oh the places you will go!
As usual, it seems, it has been a while since I have written on here. Not entirely my fault. I did write two posts on my mobile phone which until recently I thought had been posted. They have since seemed to have disappeared completely. I don’t think it would be worthwhile trying to rewrite them as they were written in a particular space and time which, at this very moment, is no longer applicable. The original meaning of the posts would probably be lost somewhere in trying to recreate what I was then.
That in itself though has got me thinking. I can’t recreate what I was at any time in my past. I can try and I can probably come close but time is always flowing on and the changes, however small they may be, will always have an impact on what I am now.
A friend recently posted about where she was and what she was doing at various intervals in her life. Just last week I was talking to Ben about how when I was eleven I wanted to be a vet. I constantly look at my present and insist that I am not moving anywhere, that I feel “stuck”. So today I thought I would take some time to look back on particular times and places and what I was doing and expected for my future.
23 years ago:
I was five years old. I was attending primary school. My best friends were a boy who lived down the road, Samuel, and two girls Kathy and Tanya. I had just been to see the Little Mermaid and would occupy my time singing and swimming with my legs tied together pretending I was Ariel. My ambition in life was to grow up to be a mermaid. I remember praying every night “When I die can I please come back as a mermaid?”
20 years ago:
It was an Olympic year and our class at school were doing lots of Olympic themed activities including a diary writing exercise on “Where will we be during the 2000 Olympics?” At that stage I was going to Little Athletics and was sure that by the year 2000 I would be representing Australia in race walking or driving my car across the Nullabor to go watch my first Olympic Games.
15 years ago:
In my early years of high school I went a little strange. I still loved my athletics and Disney was still setting my sights on finding a prince but I was also becoming more and more interested in magic, fairies and dragons. I would dress in long skirts, burn incense in my room and spend my weekends in Fremantle. It was about this stage that I started getting interested in sewing. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life which didn’t help with all the pressure of choosing subjects coming up. I was vaguely interested in the idea of becoming a nurse, a doctor or a paramedic.
10 years ago:
Out of high school finally with still no idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I had always wanted to learn how to sing and dance so I enrolled myself in a singing class and a dance class. The classes clashed with athletics training so I made the difficult decision to quit athletics. I loved dancing and felt a freedom that had been missing from me for some time. I had a tiny little voice when I tried to sing and I shook with stagefright but all I could think of was how much joy singing was bringing to me.
7 years ago:
I decided it was about time that I went to university and got a degree in something! I was vaguely interested in writing so I enrolled in a double degree of English and Education. I found something that I enjoyed and I was good at it. I studied hard and finished my degree shortly after with three job offers before graduation. I accepted a position as a English teacher and taught for two years.
3 years ago:
I was offered a position at a school in Singapore to study Musical Theatre. I hadn’t really sung or danced much since starting work as a full time teacher. The audition had awakened something in me and I realised that while I enjoyed teaching and I was good at it, I wasn’t really in love with the idea of being a teacher the rest of my life. I took the position but shortly after I suffered from incredibly depressive home sickness. I came home feeling like I had failed at being a musical theatre performer. I also had no job and I had put my house up for rent so I had no where to live. I had also invested all my savings into the course so I was flat broke. It was one of the worst times in my life. I eventually found a job singing on wine tour boats which was not very fulfilling and moved in with a friend from school. She helped me a lot!
2 years ago:
I found another job teaching. I loved the kids but as a whole I was not happy. The school was a long way away from where I lived and had a very different culture to what I was used to. I felt very lonely. I also celebrated a wonderful moment that year in marrying Ben and going on our honeymoon to Singapore where I was finally able to work through some of the sadness I had felt while I had tried to study there. I was beginning to feel whole again. With Ben’s encouragement I applied to study music.
1 year ago:
I was studying Classical music full time. It was a big change from the musical theatre I had made my main interest for the past ten years. I was learning so many new things and meeting new people. I was also beginning to feel like I was on the right path again. I wanted to sing and to make a career out of singing.
Now:
Today I am at home relaxing with Ben. We have spent the morning in the garden and cooking soup. I feel content and happy. I have school tomorrow starting with an opera rehearsal and followed by Italian classes. I am very happy with where I am. My goals at the moment are to do well at university and improve my technique, audition for more professional work as a singer, and to put on a concert by the end of the year.
Looking back at only a few moments in my life I can see how far I have come and I can also see how I have changed the direction I am headed. The change isn’t bad. Some things ran their course and changed into something else. Other things didn’t work out the way I had hoped. The change has been good for me and I hope I continue to change. For the moment though I need to sing.
Image by Tommy Klumker (Flickr)
Ben and I started a new diet yesterday. Ben has done it before and lost a lot of unwanted weight on it. I wasn’t all that committed last time and gave up after a day when I realised I couldn’t cut the cord with cheese and bread just yet. This time around though, I read up on the literature (4-hour body) and made some practise meals so I could see how easy it was to keep to the strict eating plan without compromising on taste. I bought useful ingredients and removed temptations from the pantry. Sunday morning came and I was set to succeed!
So far it has been the best decision I have ever made. I’ve only been doing it for two days, I know, but I feel a lot more positive not only about what I am eating and how I look but also my ability to cook good healthy meals. In the past I have only really eaten what was easy, usually meat and two veg!
This is what we had for dinner last night:
Three bean mix, herbed chicken strips and mixed steamed vegetables. In all it took about ten minutes preparation and about ten minutes cooking time. Not only was it easy to make and stuck to the diet but it was delicious and I enjoyed cooking it!
I am proud of what I have done in just two days.
1. I have committed myself to changing my lifestyle to make myself a happier and healthier human being.
2. I haven’t given in to stupid excuses or given up before I started. Instead I made it so it was impossible for me to fail (removing temptation and practising before committing)
3. I have learnt new skills
4. I have found long lost energy and put it to good use
In short I am really proud of my turnaround. I have made a commitment and I am sticking to it.
I sang my three pieces for my exam and felt amazing. I was incredibly happy with how I had performed. I had the right amount of nervous energy to get me through but not so much that it interfered with my breathing. For the first time in the past few days I felt happy about singing again. I had done that performance exam for myself and not for anyone else.
After I had finished singing I was a little bit surprised when the head of Classical voice asked if I would mind her having a chat with me. A look of terror must have passed over my face but I said “Sure. That would be great.” I was prepared for the worst, a list of reasons as to why I hadn’t been offered a place into university something along the lines of:
- You’re too old
- We don’t see any potential in you anymore
- It would be a waste of our time to teach you
- You haven’t improved
- You don’t have the right attitude to be a performer
Every single negative thing I could think of passed through my mind in the split second between the words “Chat” and “Sure”. I sat down a little apprehensively, and suddenly lost the ability to speak.
“You’re probably wondering why you weren’t offered a place in the Bachelor Course.”
I nodded
“It was a very difficult decision to make. Linda (my vocal teacher) and I spent a good amount of time discussing your situation. You have a good voice. There is no denying that. What we wondered though was whether this is the right place for you?”
Cue big puppy dog eyes and a sudden urge to start crying.
“We could keep you here for the next three years and you would come out as a very fine singer but you would also come out a lot older. Most of the girls going out into the profession are your age or a couple of years younger. So we thought, why delay.”
A stunned expression then crossed my face mixed with a tiny bit of confusion and hopefulness.
“Your voice is ready now to go out and work as a singer. We are prepared to help you as much as we can, starting with getting you an audition with the new Music Director for the state Opera. We believe that you are mature enough and you have demonstrated to us your ability to learn from watching and participating whenever an opportunity has arise. We think you would learn a lot more through singing in the Opera chorus and working your way up through the ranks, the more traditional route you could say.”
My mouth has dropped open and I don’t know who to look at.
“We will help you prepare for the audition, you can continue singing lessons here with us and we will help you in any way we can. If you decide that actually you’d like to do the course than we are happy to offer you a place instead. So what do you think?”
It suddenly occurs to me that I need to speak coherently.
“I can’t believe this. The last five days I have been going over and over in my head “What did I do? What didn’t I do? I didn’t know what had happened”
“You did brilliantly at your audition, the improvement from the beginning of the year has been wonderful. Even from the audition to your exam today there has been a huge improvement. You work hard and it shows.”
The rest of the conversation sort of tapered out into discussion of where to go from here. I would have to email them to let them know if I wanted to go ahead with the Opera audition or if I wanted a place in the course. I couldn’t stop smiling and by the time I had reached the door to the Music Auditorium I was in tears.
At the bottom of the stairs was my accompanist, Tim and a friend who had his exam next, David. They both looked really worried at my crying. They both knew I hadn’t got into the course I so desperately wanted to get into. All I could stammer was “They told me why I didn’t get in.” and then I explained about the Opera and the option I had been given. Their faces went from worry to happiness. Ben was there too and I hugged him with excitement, I then hugged them both too.
I was so happy! My life is taking a huge change of direction.
Photo of me taken on my way home from the exam. I couldn’t wipe that smile off my face all day!
I found out yesterday that Universal Studios Singapore is holding their audition tour again in a month. I auditioned last year, quite successfully I thought seeing as I was onboarded but then missed out on a job. It was a really hard thing for me to do and i got a lot furthur than I ever expected I would. I was lacking in confidence when I went and did it more due to my circumstances last year than any undying passion to work at a theme park. This year though I’m not sure it is worth me going through it again.
Last year I was in a place where I didn’t want to be. I was in a large amount of financial debt, I was working at a school I didn’t particularly like, dealing with people and situations which were putting too much stress on my already stressed out mind, I was constantly getting sick and I was dealing with my own personal demons of thinking my life was heading nowhere. In twelve months a lot has turned around.
This year I am in a place I mostly want to be. I have cleared up most of my debts including my huge personal loan, I work for three different companies performing jobs that I have a lot of fun in, I have new friends at WAAPA who I enjoy spending time with and learning new things with, I haven’t been sick in a long time and I finally feel like I am headed in the right direction with my performing. I am learning a lot about who I am and I get to spend my days doing things like singing and learning French, which makes me incredibly happy.
Even though Universal is still there and will continue to be there I’m not going to audition this year. It would be an amazing job and a great opportunity but I am in a different place now. I have chosen a path which is going to lead me in a different direction to the one I thought I was headed for last year.
I am still disappointed that the job didn’t work out last year and I didn’t get to spend a year working and singing in Singapore, but I am happy that it took that moment to get me to reexamine my life and make decisions like going to WAAPA and quitting my teaching job, decisions which were very difficult but have proven to be good for me. I am much happier than I was and with a little hard work maybe one day I will get a contract as good as the one I missed out on last year.
Image taken by Ben of a very happy Emma, a huge change from the dark and stormy 2010 version.
I heard about this great way to deal with having to make decisions that, for some reason, become impossible to resolve without fisticuffs.
B: “What would you like for dinner?”
E: “I don’t know, anything.”
<– cut –>
It’s 5-3-1 time! Person B has to make 5 suggestions, Person E gets to veto two of them, then Person B vetoes another two. The remaining option is the one you go with.
</– cut –>
B: “Nando’s, Subway, Maya Masala, Sumo-Salad, I.G.A.”
E: “Not I.G.A. and not Nando’s; we went there yesterday.”
B: “Okay. Not Subway. Not Sumo-Salad.”
E: “Maya Masala it is then!”
<– cut –>
It’s great because:
- We both get to veto two items.
- The person who didn’t want to decide, ends up saying the answer (which is like pseudo-deciding)
- The person asking the question has to come up with 5 options to start with (as opposed to none when asking the first question)
</– cut –>
We have successfully trialed this game and found it to be both easy to play and very effective.
