Posts Tagged ‘change’
4 Hour Body or The Next Crazy Idea
I’m losing weight.
For as long as I can remember, I have been (within 700g of) 78kg. It’s really frustrating. For me.
A couple of months back we tried not eating any grains for an entire month. We both lost weight. We both had more energy and we both think that it was easier to not fly off the handle during that month. I found out about it via Tim Ferriss’ blog and was very happy that we tried it out. Only problem was; we just sort of tried it out; we didn’t measure anything and tried to stick to the plan, but weren’t too phased when we didn’t. Well, Emma did spend a bit of time feeling guilty, but that’s her favourite past-time.
So I have been very interested in Tim’s new book The 4 Hour Body. Great read, I highly recommend it for people who want to see things differently.
So, I’m doing a new experiment:
The Slow Carb Diet
- Avoid “white” carbohydrates (Wheat, Sugar, Potato, Corn, Quinoa)
- Celebrate Festivus once every week (consume as much, of whatever, as you want) [We party on Saturdays]
It’s not easy to follow, and I have paraphrased it down to the fundamentals because Tim makes some great suggestions as rules that are really reiterations of the first rule.
I did this for two weeks, went from 77.9kgs –> 73.9kgs and watched the fluctuations when I deviated from the plan. My body fat is now 6.9%. This part works!
So now, I’m going from Geek to Freak.
Target: 90kgs of raw Ben.
Same basic diet, but lots more protein. I went to the gym today, it was pretty entertaining. I am sure I looked mighty thin in the mirrors-of-self-love lining the long wall. Another fortnight and we’ll see who’s sneering at who, Conan.
I have a friend who is going through some tough times at the moment and, during the course of some email tennis, there are a few paragraphs that I think bare repeating.
Would you change him, so that you could keep him? If you were to forgive what seems unforgivable (and believe me, it is forgivable, but maybe not just yet) and continue from roughly where you left off, what would you have to change, in your deeply held beliefs about relationships, so that you could REALLY be back in the relationship?
A lot huh?
About the same amount of things you’ll have to change to have your next serious relationship with whomever comes along.
Coupled with…
Know that when you are in a relationship, you choose to be in it and there will always be unexpected stuff coming at you. It is the nature of a relationship between two (or more) people that things will not go “as planned” and so, as you get more experienced with being in relationships, you stop making plans and stick to a generally agreed upon “basic outline” that can be reviewed at any time all members are together.
It has taken me, personally, ~15 years to figure this out and, while I think I’ve got it mostly worked out, I know that I could also have it completely wrong. While I am not exactly “fine” with that, I am okay with the idea that it doesn’t matter so much, as long as I am willing to throw out my old ideas and learn something new when the situation requires it.
I don’t really have much to add, outside of the context of the situation, other than: Relationships are curious things, the more I have the more I realise how much more there is to learn about them.
This one is quite funny to write; I remember having a similar issue when this happened to me and so it echoes quite nicely.
For a while now I have been encouraging Emma to keep an eye out for cheap flights to places we might like to go. For holidays, as opposed to places we might like to go to get away from the in-laws, which would be a completely horrible suggestion and totally unwarranted. “Hello to Emma’s family”, I know many of you read this :-)
So, over time, we have had the occasional conversation about dream holiday locations, logistics and timing. Largely these took the form of a tentative suggestion that could be construed as something completely different (have you ever wanted to go to Disneyland) which, upon further investigation, rapidly descended into either hurt silence or stomping footsteps towards a door. Oh, it wasn’t just her. We swapped roles at regular intervals.
So it was quite a surprise to get a jittery phone call from Emma that started out with, “Honey, I’ve found some flights to Paris next year that look really good, can we go?” i would like to say that i answered suavely, “Sure, Baby, what ever you want”, but that would be a misrepresentation of the facts. There was some confusion as we tried to fall back into the old pattern, but after realising what was happening, I tried a different tact and, within 24 hours, Things Were Different!
Emma had figured out the connecting flights, arranged a stop over and paid (with my plastic to get the travel insurance) for the entire escapade.
I’m pretty sure she is still not quite sure when the piano will fall on her, but it’s very amusing to watch her try to get grumpy now. All I have to do to dislodge any cranky is start humming the French National Anthem.
And now she is starting to think that maybe, just maybe, things will turn out alright for her after all.
Highly, HIGHLY amusing.
While wandering the internet I came across this (emphasis mine).
You can’t have a good day, you need to make it a good day.
Sometimes, when it seems like everything is going wrong, it takes a little more energy to notice the good things. I have learned that, with practise, it get’s easier and easier to do. The trick is to get started early, when things aren’t going “wrong”.
When you realise you are having a good day, practise making it better. Notice that you are doing so; notice your self into a good habit. Then, when a day isn’t working out so well, you have the tools to make it better.
Do so.
Why am I the one who always has to change?
Uh oh, here’s trouble. I have come across this question pretty often in fact, it used to be one of my favourites. I think it’s a personal growth milestone of some kind. I remember being the poster boy for this phrase not so long ago (well, okay, a couple of years back).
I’m going to try to explain an answer. Strap yourselves in, it’s going to be bumpy!
Has anything ever worked out for you? Have you ever had something work out better than expected? Maybe? Okay, so let’s change this litte bit here…
Why am I the one who frequently has to change?
When you say “change”, it sounds like a bad thing? Do you mean you don’t like it when you get better results? So those are okay, so you really just don’t like it when you don’t get what you want, but only when you get less than you want? Can we make another little change then?…
Why am I the one who frequently has to be satisfied with less than I wanted?
Is this still what you are talking about? Can we make another teeny, tiny substitution?
Why am I the one who frequently has to be satisfied with less than I expected?
Now we are getting somewhere! What you seem to be saying is that you don’t like it when your results fall short of your expectations. So, if you were making a cake, it sucks when it doesn’t rise after you followed the instructions? Can I run with that for a second…? What if you missed a step? Would you be disappointed if it didn’t work out after you missed a step? Not really? What if the instructions weren’t complete? Same thing. Alright, what if someone gave you the instructions? like they wrote them down for you and handed you the note and, for some reason, not everything was on the piece of paper? I mean, it’s not like they did it on purpose; they were in a hurry; the kids needed to be fed; they got the recipe from a friend over the phone because they couldn’t find their own copy and that’s where they got it from in the first place….
That would be understandable then? Hmmm… interesting… Can I wave the magic wand for a second?
Why am I the one who, after following these incomplete instructions, frequently has to be satisfied with things don’t go as I expected?
Weeeeeeeell, that was a bit of a jump, let’s just cement that in with this quick question: Do you think anyone actually has a sure-fire, 100% guaranteed recipe for any of the things that are going awry in your life? Other than cakes, of course!
If I asked you this question, what would your answer be? Pretty obvious now, huh?
The real fundamental shift you have to make is realising that at no stage, no matter what you think, have been told or might infer from stories of success, do you have The Full List of Instructions for Success. At best you have The Partial List of General Steps to Someone Elses Definition of Success.
Until you write the book yourself. But that’s another post altogether.
Image by Monazza Tahla (Flickr)
