Posts Tagged ‘expectations’
Cranky pants replies
Okay, maybe I have been a little annoyed with how some (unplanned) things have turned out.
But at least we know for sure that we are never doing the resort thing again for as long as possible. Blurk! to your canned music and over-priced “activites” designed to give us the minimum level of excitement for which we have to pay extra for!
I want my beach shack!
Oh how I thought this was going to be a good idea only to self-sabotage it into some silly mid-adventure.
Time to snap out of it!
In light of the recent cavalcade of Very Important Things that Need To Be Done Now; this post by Dawn Michelle stuck a chord with me. It’s something I have worked towards myself, but never formalised. Read the (short) article for more details, but briefly:
- Do no more than 3 important things every day.
- Ask for help.
- Taking a nap is better than doing the project tired.
- Limiting your tasks creates space for play.
- Practise Yoga or Meditation
Emma and I have both noticed the Grumpalunkus has come to visit us more often than usual lately. It’s time to get back on the minimal and happy path again!
Image by lotus8(Flickr).
My past has come back to bite me in the arse and it hurts. Sure I have made some pretty crappy decisions in the past, decisions which have left me with huge debt and not much to show for it. I think there are a lot of people like me out there and while it sucks to owe people money the real problem is that it has also restricted my freedom to a fair extent.
Take for example my current predicament. I have been offered a position performing in a children’s show in Singapore. Sounds fantastic right? It is. They pay for accommodation, food, air fares and I get paid per show I perform in. So what is the problem? The contract is only for three weeks, starting on the first of June, which would mean I would have to quit my job teaching at School to be able to take it. I can’t quit my job at School and go to Singapore without having another job lined up right after coming back due to how often and how much I owe on my loans. I’m also supposed to give a terms notice for quitting from a school.
There is also the fact that not only does School offer a steady paycheck but when it comes down to it, it is quite simple work, I plan everything in advance so I don’t have to take anything home, I usually get home by 4pm and when I am being truly honest with myself I do enjoy the work.
I guess it is about being patient and hoping that the opportunity presents itself again even though I really really want to take the job now.
Image by Enea (Flickr)
Ben has been giving me the following advice for a long time now and it has been incredibly difficult for me to understand let alone apply. It wasn’t until two days ago when I had an awful lesson with one of my classes that I realised the truth behind this advice and how applicable this advice was to my life. I could finally start to take the first steps to apply it.
These kids I was teaching had no comprehension of taking control of their lives. They were content with blaming all their misfortune on others leaving them to feel guilt free. They had no direction, no understanding of what a gift they had been given. I started dispensing the following advice, advice that Ben had given me, and at the moment it started to click for them it also clicked for me.
The only person in this world who can change your life is you. Everything that happens to you in your life is a direct result of a choice you made. Think about what power this realisation can hold for you. You have the power to change your life into something you can be proud of.
1. Who am I?
2. What is important to me?
3. What do I want to do with my life?
If you can answer these three questions with conviction then you can start to change your life. you can begin to live the life you want to live, instead of the life you believe you are expected to live.
Nothing is impossible.
Take the time to reflect on these three questions. What would your answers be?
Within the classroom the kids started to think that this was another “What do you want to be when you grow up” lessons. They were reluctant until they started thinking beyond the classroom walls. It was interesting to hear what real dreams they have for their lives. Dreams beyond “I want to be a mechanic”. There were honest thoughts coming out and they stopped thinking about what they thought I wanted to hear and concentrated more on what they wanted to say. It was a wonderful breakthrough.
Image by Paolo Margari (flickr)
I just got back from spending time with Ben’s family. It was the first time we had seen them since Christmas and the first time since we had lost the baby. It was hard and I don’t entirely know why.
There were times when I felt like I had let them down, like somehow everything was my fault. I felt like I had built their hopes up only to destroy them a few weeks later. It was a pressure I didn’t think I would feel and I wasn’t expecting it so I was somewhat unprepared. A few times during the night I had to excuse myself for fear of crying in front of them, but when I actually stopped to think about why I was crying I realised it was silly. I hadn’t let anyone down.
I guess it was a lot more difficult than I was expecting. I’m going to have to just approach these moments as they come. During the last week I have had to face friends and family with hesitation on both sides. I think though the best thing to do right now is to spend time with people who love me because they are the ones who are going to be there for us now and in the future.
Things are slowly getting easier and the tears are furthur apart. We will get through this. I will get through this.
It’s now ten weeks down and thirty to go and I have been noticing lately the expectations people have had already this early on, and my inability to live up to those expectations.
In the past, and to an extent now, I have always cared about what other people thought of me and their expectations of what I was doing and how I was going to achieve the things I wanted to achieve. I took my own wants and needs into consideration very little and always tried to live up to other expectations.
Ben has always tried to get me out of this habit, to stop thinking about everyone else once in a while and think about myself. I have always found this incredibly difficult, not only to apply but even to understand why I should try to change…until now.
Heading into week eleven I still have not suffered from morning sickness and have been told by my GP that if it hasn’t hit now then chances are good that I am one of the lucky 25% of women who simply don’t get morning sickness. 25%!!! That can’t be right? I had always thought and most people I have told that to have reiterated the idea that pregnancy and morning sickness were just two things that always went together. In fact some women who have had children and have heard that got quite upset and to a point, angry at me for not suffering the way they did.
I started to get a little upset by that. I felt like I was missing out, that I wasn’t getting the full pregnancy experience. That if I didn’t suffer for the baby then I wasn’t as good a mother as these women who had. Then that little part of my brain clicked in and went “Wait a minute! You want to be uncomfortable and vomiting not to satisfy your own wants and needs but to make these women feel better? How the hell does that work?”
Why was I always so content to live up to other people’s expectations instead of my own even if they made me feel uncomfortable? Why didn’t I stop for two seconds and think about what was actually good for me? Why was it always so hard for that little part of my brain to click in before and see the importance of looking after myself first?
I guess in a way it was difficult to see the difference between what I wanted and what other people wanted, but when someone wants you to throw up every morning and be uncomfortable just to make themselves feel better about you being pregnant it is time for the reality chip to start working and tell them to bugger off.
Image by welshwitch36 (Flickr).
I’ve been reflecting lately on my different expectations with regards to children that I have had throughout my life. When I was youger I always dreamt I would grow up someday and have kids. As a seven year old I always thought that happened around the twenty one year old mark. As I got older though that expectation soon faded, thankfully.
By my mid-teens, dateless (I was a bit obsessed with playing sports leaving very little attention for boys and the like) I started to think that the only way I would ever have kids was to do the whole single parent role. I was convinced that I would never find someone who I would love enough to marry and have children with, let alone someone who would have those feelings for me in return.
Then the past few years with the various men and boys I have dated I reconsidered that view and thought maybe by my late twenties or early thirties a baby wouldn’t be too far away. I guess that plan didn’t work out either.
The fact is I have always wanted kids of my own and a family of my own and I am finding this time now as a real wake-up to how lucky I am. I have a wonderfully supportive partner in Ben, a family who is ready to lend a helping hand and friends who are genuinely excited for us. So though this pregnanacy was not what I had planned, intended, dreamt or expected at any point in my life, it is exactly what I want and need now, otherwise it would never have happened.
Life has little ways of sorting itself out and surprising you, even if that does mean being pregnant.
