Posts Tagged ‘expectations’
Secret Single Behaviour
Between work and study I seem to have made very little time for hanging out with my friends. I was so thankful last week when we finally were together to celebrate that our friend Ash had come to visit all the way from Melbourne. When we were in highschool there was nothing better than having a sleepover complete with mountains of food, bad movies, sleeping in the same room telling stories and trying on each others clothes (it makes sense when you are a girl). So what better way to celebrate us being together than by replicating the days of the past, plus a few drinks in the mix now that we are adults.
Part of me enjoyed the evening a little too much and wished for the days back in highschool where our biggest concern seemed to be what we were going to wear to so-and-so’s birthday party or whether or not it was a good idea to dye our hair blonde…again. I wanted that freedom, but then I remembered all the other things that come with that, things like having no money, working for your entire Saturday only to come home and find you have made $50 that entire day, not being able to drive and still sharing a room with your sister. Maybe it was better the way it is now.
Then I started looking around at what my friends had that I didn’t. They are for the most part single and living on their own so there is a kind of freedom in that too. Like being able to put things wherever you like, having make-up and perfume bottles on a dressing table, bright pictures on the walls and cushions on the couch. Ben is a minimalist so our house is a strange clash of his minimalism, which is currently winning out, over my desire to make everything bright and girly. Sometimes I miss my old house where I lived on my own because everything was the way I wanted it to be.
Then I remember why I live the way I do. I live that way because I want to live with Ben and I want to share my life with him. I’m not pretending that is all I need, there will still be times I will have to fight the urge to paint the lounge room hot pink, but remembering that it is about compromise not about giving up, is its own freedom. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Image: Aftermath of the sleepover (taken by me)
The last few weeks Ben and I have been pushing ourselves a little too hard. Currently I am performing in a production of “Fiddler on the Roof”, while also choreographing the musical “Nine”. Ben has been coming along to “Nine” rehearsals to help out and this has often resulted in him helping out on nights when I am not there too. What this has added up to is two very tired people.
It is production week this week for both shows, they both had their preview tonight and they both open on Friday. As you can imagine there have been a lot of last minute rehearsals happening in a desperate attempt to get things ‘perfect’. This week alone we have been to one rehearsal or the other (or in the case of Sunday both) every day. It has gotten to the point now though when we need to stop. The exhaustion has set in. It is time for a break.
I think the worse thing in all this is that Ben and I don’t seem to be spending as much time together as we usually do. We have also taken to sleeping in separate beds because we seem to get better sleep when there isn’t another body in the bed, and with sleep eluding us we will take what we can get. It isn’t ideal but it works.
I miss waking up and having our slow sleepy mornings together, sharing breakfast together and talking about the day.
I miss coming home at night and spending time unwinding, listening to music, going to the movies or watching a video.
Most of all I miss Ben. We don’t haven’t seen each other much the last two weeks. Hopefully once the shows open we can get back to being awesome together. Because we are pretty damn awesome.
