Posts Tagged ‘family’
The smartest PE teacher ever
Today I met the smartest PE teacher I have ever met. I know that that statement in itself sounds redundant, as the old saying goes “Those who can’t do, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach PE” but he had a plan for his life, one which he was living with great vigour and was happy to share with those who would listen.
The plan went like this:
Every pay date he would put 20% of his pay into a separate account which could not be accessed. He would work at a school for five years teaching quite happily but then every five years he would take a year off, open that account and live off a full years salary for a year. In that year he could do whatever he wanted, even work if he wanted, but more often than not he would take the money and relax. Here was the smartest PE teacher I had ever met.
The plan is simple. Instead of living within your means, live just below it. Too many people even after receiving a pay rise still find themselves at the end of their pay week completely broke and looking back on what they spent their money on and finding they have regretted their purchases.
Another thing I noticed about him was that he was the youngest looking 57 year old I had ever met. He still had the passion to teach and had not allowed the years of putting up with teenagers, parents and other teachers crap wear him down.
This plan might not work for everyone but it was working for him. Here was a man who was taking control of his life and doing what he wanted to do instead of what everyone expected of him. He is still able to do all the things a man on a full wage is able to do, like looking after his family, paying the bills and going on holiday, but every five years he gets what can’t be bought…freedom.
Image by MigRodz (flickr)
Ben and I decided back when we were seven weeks pregnant that we wanted to tell close friends and family the good news. The announcement was met with a lot of happiness and on the whole people were happy with the announcement. There were those though that thought it was a bad idea for us to be telling people so soon and their main argument for this was “So much can go wrong in the first twelve weeks. What happens if you lose the baby?” At the time we both thought we were unstoppable, that those sorts of things happened to other people not to us, but it did happen to us.
I’m glad we told everyone because it meant we got to share our joy, however short-lived, with the important people in our lives. We got to talk freely about the pregnancy and baby allowing ourselves to feel some joy and not be ashamed of the circumstances. It was an incredibly joyful time and I think not only brought Ben and I together but also brought our families a little closer together. I know that I definitely feel a lot closer to Ben’s family since the announcement.
Announcing the pregnancy before the week twelve safety zone had passed also meant that we had a lot of support when things did go wrong. My friends understood why I didn’t want to go to Perth Cup with them on New Year’s Day. They understood that it was hard for a few days there to not do anything but watch DVD’s in the dark confines of the house. It also allowed them to help me through this situation because they understood what was going on, nothing was kept in the dark so there was no guessing.
All in all I think we did the right thing in announcing the pregnancy when we did and next time I intend to do the same thing.
Image by Joyseph (Flickr)
I just got back from spending time with Ben’s family. It was the first time we had seen them since Christmas and the first time since we had lost the baby. It was hard and I don’t entirely know why.
There were times when I felt like I had let them down, like somehow everything was my fault. I felt like I had built their hopes up only to destroy them a few weeks later. It was a pressure I didn’t think I would feel and I wasn’t expecting it so I was somewhat unprepared. A few times during the night I had to excuse myself for fear of crying in front of them, but when I actually stopped to think about why I was crying I realised it was silly. I hadn’t let anyone down.
I guess it was a lot more difficult than I was expecting. I’m going to have to just approach these moments as they come. During the last week I have had to face friends and family with hesitation on both sides. I think though the best thing to do right now is to spend time with people who love me because they are the ones who are going to be there for us now and in the future.
Things are slowly getting easier and the tears are furthur apart. We will get through this. I will get through this.
After telling Mum I had to wait a bit before I could get the gumption back up to tell Dad. I would have liked to drive down and do it in person but it wasn’t to be.
I wasn’t too worried about it, really. I thought the news would be well received and was delighted with his reply to, “you’re going to be a grandad again… by me!” I imagined him dancing a little jig in the kitchen and telling all the lads down the club about the news.
Dad’s wife was thrilled to bits and we had a chat about all the important things (weeks, moving in, boy/girl, etc) – things that I was only just learning about how important they are now!
It’s great fun telling people the news, I’m really surprised how much excitement it generates, in me and others!
I’m still going through the list of family members to tell them our news. I finally have (what I think is) a valid reason for calling and now chatting away comes so easily. It’s actually getting me more and more excited about the baby, as if that was possible.
Maybe this little life is the replacement switch I needed to connect up the Family thing!
Could the BOOM have been the when the switch was thrown?
Image by Quasimodo (Flickr).
After telling Emma’s parents (and surviving) it was time to go over to my mum’s place to repeat the process. On the way down the freeway we were happily recounting the first attempt. I quietly decided to show her how it’s done (ha)!
Mum was a bit flighty, it’s been more than a month since I saw her last – 7 weeks, in fact. As Announcement Time approached I started to notice all kinds of things that needed my immediate attention. Not least of all the legion of photos of old girlfriends that adorned the dinning room dresser!
Mum did enjoy flashing my old dorky photos from when I was a kid. First bike, first girlfriend, first social ball etc Emma was having a great time. Of course.
So, before we got sucked in to a photo album that I forgot (to set fire to) I jumped in with, “The reason we haven’t seen you since Bali is because we’ve been making a baby!”
Smooth.
Also, not technically accurate; At first it was because of the ginormous head wound Emma was sporting and THEN it was because of the baby…. But that’s another story…
After the double take, it was all giggles and congratulations. I’m a star, Emma is great; let’s go have a cuppa tea.
Woohoo!
Image by g-mikee (flickr).
Well, the cat’s out of the bag now!
Our parents know and it’s all good. The immediate reactions were all pretty much how we thought they were going to be: A quick double take and then giggles and congratulations all round. This has been a really great decision!
/me dances a little jig!
So a few of them know about this site and already comments are coming up, I hope I don’t get in to too much trouble with Emma. I think it’ll be okay, as long as I ring her before she reads anything!
Well, I have to go make a phone call.
Two actually, I’m making the official Phone Call to Gran tomorrow morning. I reckon if I haven’t done it by 7am she’ll ring me.
. . .
Well, that didn’t work, Gran rang me just before I pressed “Publish”! It’s official:
I’m a very clever lad, and Emma is a very clever lass.
Gran said so, so it must be true!
Image by MotionBlur (Flickr).
This week has been a time of rest, really. We’ve passed beyond the crazy Oh My God phase and are settling in to the What Do We Do Now one. We have also made a really important decision; We’re going to do what makes us feel good. Not as a priority, but as a method of choosing which option to go for when presented with two or more of them.
The most important thing that we did this week was to tell our parents what’s going on. I’ll write another post about the various reactions (I secretly recorded them, because I’m that kind of guy) later, but at the end of the day (literally) we are both feeling much better about what’s going on. The dirty little secret is no longer a secret and therefore not dirty either.
A very nice result.
Yesterday I was talking with Emma’s flatmate about when we are “supposed” to make the announcement to the rest of the family and the reasons why we should wait until the 12th week.
Why can’t we tell them now?
The answer, so far, has been: So many things can go wrong in the first 12 weeks that you shouldn’t say anything in case you lose the baby. That way we can quietly weep in the corner without people asking her how the baby is going.
Well, that’s stupid. If we lose the baby we will be very sad. Having people ask about the baby will not make it worse, it will allow us to tell them what happened, so that we can work through it. Our family and close friends will know in the end anyway, why try to hide it and make ourselves feel dirty? Let’s celebrate this momentus occaison and live it to the maximum!
I’m not ashamed of this pregnancy. I’m damn proud in fact!
Sure, I have no firm idea on exactly what I need to do, but I’m working it out. So is Emma. We both really really want to share this with our families; it’s a stupendously amazing time for us; and don’t forget scarey too!
So, in the spirit of not living in fear, we’re going to tell our parents tomorrow.
I wonder how they’ll take it?
Image by Bill Barber (Flickr).
On the way to work this morning I was thinking about the differences between how Emma and I relate to our families. Emma’s is pretty close knit (from what I can see) and mine is basically the opposite. I’m not particularly worried about the differences at the moment, although I believe that will change as B-Day draws closer.
How will our two family styles interact? Hard to tell now, but it will be interesting to find out. I have a feeling I will grow closer to mine, largely because I will have something to talk to them about (the baby). I don’t really have much to say to them, most of the time. I just don’t know what would interest them that doesn’t frustrate me at the same time.
Most of the things I do don’t seem to “fit” with their ideas of how things should be. At least, that’s the impression that I get. I am aware that my perceptions of what’s actually happening, when family is involved, is quite skewed, so I am working on not taking everything to heart straight away.
I AM looking forward to improoving the current relationship dynamics I have with my family. I’ve been working on it for a while now and had mixed results. Now we will be able to accelerate the process.
It’s weird being a parent (to be) though.
