I haven’t been feeling very well as of late. My tummy has been a little bit up and down and as a result I have had the worst farts. I am talking majorly smelly, would kill the cat if it was stuck under the blanket at night when I let one of these sneak out. The good thing is that unlike most of the students that I teach I can manage to hold my bodily gases in until a suitable moment when I am either alone or at least outside. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a room with 32 year nine students as a fart creeps around the room.

Anyway, today in English I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My tummy was hurting so bad and with one minute until the bell was due to go I decided something had to be done. I have a particularly disgusting boy, Jack,  in my class who finds it highly amusing to fart during class as loudly as possible just to draw attention to himself. Today was payback. I took a casual walk around the room tidying up chairs as I went, picking up a piece of paper or two and then as I approached his desk I let the silent little fart slip and continued on my merry way.

Within three seconds the boys in that corner were all blaming Jack while covering their mouths and gasping for air. I had to try so hard not to laugh as to reveal my guilt. It was too good.

It just goes to show that any situation can be made positive. I had a sore tummy and managed to get not only payback but a laugh out of it too.

I teach a year eleven English class of low ability students, mostly boys. Not only low ability but low motivation too. I had given the boys a worksheet to complete for an assessment something which they  furiously worked on and were somewhat proud of. I was surprised that they were actually interested in this so when a student asked for me to read his work and check if it was okay I was happy to oblige.

It was good and I told him exactly that “It’s good.” to which he replied “Good? Just good or is it sex on a page good?” without missing a beat one of the boys at the back of the room piped up with “Well really it depends who you are having sex with. I mean if it’s with your mum then that is one shit piece of work you are handing up.”

So there I was with two boys who have just said two very funny things and I’m not supposed to laugh at either of them. I tried so hard to tell them off for inappropriate language but my face gave it away. It was funny. It was incredibly witty too for boys like this.

So now I am proposing a new method of grading writing. What level would you give this?

For the record the boys work was “Sex on a page with his hot sister level.” Looks good until you go into the details then it gets sketchy.

Just goes to show that even in the most unlikely of places, you can have a laugh and be surprised.

Image by this is your brain on lithium (flickr)

Emma has made arrangements to catch public transport to work. This is great! A 45 minute air-conditioned pre-work siesta with a book. Sounds delicious, no? So off she trots, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (v. nice tail, actually) and I return to my breakfast delights.

Five minutes later the front door reefs open and bangs close. My little grey fox is mumble grumbling something and I get the idea that something has gone wrong. The bus is right there! The bus stop is right out the front of our house, so I am a little surprised that she missed it (or was in the process of missing it).

The stupid bus broke down!

The stupid bus broke down and look where it broke down! Right outside the house, so I can’t even drive to work.

I offer to let her take my car to work (it’s parked out back) and that kind of works, but it’s not until she comes upstairs that I can see her face.

How can I compete when the world is throwing things like THAT at me? I mean, how do you even arrange for the a bus to break down in your driveway for exactly enough time for you to walk back up the drive, turn around to point out the broken bus AS.. IT… DRIVES AWAY!!

The bus had recovered and was pulling away as she was saying this to me. The look of total disbelief on her face was priceless.

I’m sorry, baby, I just had to share this one. You did a great job of recovering and getting to work, but it was SO funny at the time. Okay, It was funny to me.

Image by JonasPhoto (Flickr).