Posts Tagged ‘life’
Are you managing?
Why is it that taking control of your life seems so difficult at first? I remember when I was going through my own transitory stage (mental puberty) and I fought like hell to not be the one in the pilot seat. Yes, I wanted to do certain things (holidays, girls, kids, etc) but I really, really didn’t want to be responsible if things went wrong.
I didn’t want complete control of my life, just a managerial position. That way there was always someone else to blame when things went wrong and I could still take the credit when it went right. I wanted control without responsibility, a childish fantasy about how life should be.
Over time I have realised that this was the source of most of the misery and struggles in my life. The initial anger and frustration I felt during my mental puberty was because I didn’t want to accept this ultimate truth. In a similar fashion to biological puberty (where parts of my body suddenly developed new, seemingly bizarre functions) the fundamental landscape of my mind had changed. I could no longer ignore the truth: that I had always been in control of my life; that I was responsible for what was happening to me; that I am the only one who can change my life experience.
I had additional growth and I had to come to terms with it, one way or another.
Now that I am taking more and more conscious control of my life I can see the results every day. And I do mean, “Every day”. With a finer control of my actions comes a more sensitive reception of their consequences and a better understanding of what each of the variables does.
Leaping ahead of all this is the question, “How can I help others through their own mental puberty?”. The best answer I have so far is the same one we use for biological puberty – “Show compassion for the afflicted; demonstrate that it is survivable and, ultimately, enjoyable”.
Just telling people to behave, grow up, act their age or any number of the other over used, badly thought out clichés only shows how far you have not progressed.
Image by noii (Flickr).
I have thought about what kind of world we will be bringing this child into. With all our human wars, poverty and misery it doesn’t seem like such a great place to live. Sure there is a balancing effect with love, charity and caring but it has been my experience that as a species, we tend to the darker side.
That’s when I realised: I can change the world.
My experience of the world is completely within my control. I choose to experience a beach sunset as a beautiful moment. I choose to feel happiness when thinking about creating a family of my own. I choose to feel excited by the prospect of watching a new life grow. I choose to feel overwhelmed when trying to figure out what the future holds for Emma and I (and T-Rex). I choose to feel saddened when looking at human suffering.
The most important thing I have learned in my life, so far, is that I have control over my experience of reality. What happens to me is not important, what I DO about what happens to me is what is important. I can control what I do and that is the key to being happy.
How does this help me change the world? two ways; First, it means I no longer need to play the victim, so the world is a far more attractive place to live; and Secondly, I can help my child(ren) come to this realisation for themselves earlier in their life than I did.
I think this is the most important skill I could ever give anyone, especially my own children.
So now all I have to do is figure out how to do this, which is simple: Teach by example, believe in my ability to choose my experience and show them the benefits (and perceived downfalls) of doing so. Children are mirrors of their parents. Happy children come from by happy parents. If I want a well balanced child, I need to be well balanced first.
The implications are huge, but not unpleasant.
Image by noticelj (Flickr).
Has it really only been six days since we found out? The last week has been a absolute whirlwind of activity. I’ve been to doctor’s appointments, I’ve had blood tests, I’ve read so much information but still only scratching the surface and I have had at least three major freak outs.
Last night I went an saw some friends in a production of Sweeney Todd. It was an amazing show but the whole time I was sitting there watching i couldn’t stop my mind from asking questions.
Will I ever be able to be on stage with them again? Who would look after the baby if I did? Would I have the stamina to still do shows? What about Ben, is it fair to ask him to babysit while I go off and prance about on stage?
My main freak outs this week have all been about what I can and can’t do now that I am pregnant. I seem to just be focusing on the negetives rather than the positives which i really don’t want to do. I am really happy to be pregnant but at the same time I’m really scared about what it all means.
I want my life to change but I don’t want it to change so much that it is unregonisable from the life I led before. I’m really scared by all the changes and the speed at which they are happening. I thought we had a lot of time but we really don’t.
It isn’t going to be that long before I can’t work anymore and then a little after that there is going to be a time when I can’t do much at all except lie around and be a baby machine. I want to do as much now as I can.
