Posts Tagged ‘parents’
Be quiet
I was on the train watching a little boy have a great time cooing to himself and then bouncing a few loud ones off the back of the cabin. He giggled to himself after listening to the echo of his latest sound exploration. It seemed like he was having a ball.
The mother, on the other hand, was not; she was constantly telling him to “be quiet” or “stop that” and, having not gotten the requested response, just kept repeating herself while blowing rasperies in his ear between cautions. It was most bizzare. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what she was actually attempting to do; play with him or tell him off.
Why do parents in public with children insist that they be quiet? Why are they embarrased about their kids? And why do they try to secretly reward them when they are outwardly telling them off? Such confusing messages must only serve to tell the kid(s) that their parents are insane and can generally be ignored, which doesn’t seem to be a terribly good lesson.
I guess I just won’t understand until I have one of my own.
Image by Lars Plougmann (Flickr)
I used to talk to People With Children as if they had all been reading the same book: The Talking To People Without Kids book. They would tell me about kindergarten, injections, clothes and various forms of liquid waste. It was quaint and a bit boring.
Now I find myself paying special attention to them. Especially how they relate to their children. How they deal with different situations and what that seems to say about them and their offspring. Mostly I’m applying my understanding of the world to their situation. Which is totally unfair, but rather entertaining; in an It’s going to happen to you too, buddy! kind of way.
I know that my perspective is going to change as the day-to-day challenges morph from Help Emma to Help Emma and the baby to just Help!, as most of the parents I have talked to have delighted in telling me. However, what do they know?
They made their decisions and stuck with it – bully for them! – but are those decisions the right ones for us? It’s hard to tell. They seem to be taking rational and well thought out control of their lives. They seem to be doing a right thing (as opposed to THE right thing, which no-one will be particularly specific on) and that seems to be working out okay. I mean;
- their kids are alive (and that’s good, right?)
- their kids seem normal (but what’s normal?)
- their lives are fairly uncomplicated (Are the kids asleep? Okay, let’s take a break!)
- they are pretty happy (but a little sad at having lost their old sense of freedom)
- everything finishes at 7pm (The kids need to go to sleep)
So what’s the problem?
Everyone has an opinion. For each person who says, “Go Left!”, I can find someone who says, “Go Right!”. This isn’t advice, it’s propaganda!
I have a feeling that no matter what book/person/gypsy I consult the only person who has the answer is me.
And that makes me a responsible parent (to be).
Oh. I get it.
Image by marklarsen (Flickr).
After telling Emma’s parents (and surviving) it was time to go over to my mum’s place to repeat the process. On the way down the freeway we were happily recounting the first attempt. I quietly decided to show her how it’s done (ha)!
Mum was a bit flighty, it’s been more than a month since I saw her last – 7 weeks, in fact. As Announcement Time approached I started to notice all kinds of things that needed my immediate attention. Not least of all the legion of photos of old girlfriends that adorned the dinning room dresser!
Mum did enjoy flashing my old dorky photos from when I was a kid. First bike, first girlfriend, first social ball etc Emma was having a great time. Of course.
So, before we got sucked in to a photo album that I forgot (to set fire to) I jumped in with, “The reason we haven’t seen you since Bali is because we’ve been making a baby!”
Smooth.
Also, not technically accurate; At first it was because of the ginormous head wound Emma was sporting and THEN it was because of the baby…. But that’s another story…
After the double take, it was all giggles and congratulations. I’m a star, Emma is great; let’s go have a cuppa tea.
Woohoo!
Image by g-mikee (flickr).
Well yesterday started as quite a nerve-racking day. We had decided that it was time to tell our parents that we were having a baby. I was a little excited, nervous, scared, uncertain and happy. I had wanted to tell them almost since I had found out because I felt bad that people not as important as them knew I was pregnant. They are very important to me and it only felt right for them to know.
We decided to go to my parents first. Luckily not only were mum and dad home but they were sitting down together for lunch, the grankids were playing downstairs and my sister Mary was out of the house. We sat and chatted about everyday stuff for a few minutes before finally I stammered “We came over to tell you that we are having a baby”.
Mums eyes seriousy rolled back into her head and then back into place again. Dad made a little grunt noise to acknowledge the initial shock of the announcement, then the questions started.
Mum and Dad were worried about what we were going to do and how we felt about the situation. They were really just looking out for both Ben and I and making sure we knew what we had gotten ourselves into. Although I still think the question of “Are you going to stay with her then?” directed to Ben by Mum was a bit redundant seeing as he was sitting right there telling them along with me. I knew what she meant by it though. She was just looking out for me.
Eventually Mum and Dad were excited for us, at least I think they were. Mum was a little put out that my sister’s knew about the baby before she did. Mum loves teling the family about new babies, I think she felt a little cheated out of it.
Eventually we left Mum and Dad’s and headed to Ben’s mum’s place…but I’ll leave Ben to tell you about that.
Well, the cat’s out of the bag now!
Our parents know and it’s all good. The immediate reactions were all pretty much how we thought they were going to be: A quick double take and then giggles and congratulations all round. This has been a really great decision!
/me dances a little jig!
So a few of them know about this site and already comments are coming up, I hope I don’t get in to too much trouble with Emma. I think it’ll be okay, as long as I ring her before she reads anything!
Well, I have to go make a phone call.
Two actually, I’m making the official Phone Call to Gran tomorrow morning. I reckon if I haven’t done it by 7am she’ll ring me.
. . .
Well, that didn’t work, Gran rang me just before I pressed “Publish”! It’s official:
I’m a very clever lad, and Emma is a very clever lass.
Gran said so, so it must be true!
Image by MotionBlur (Flickr).
