Posts Tagged ‘questions’
I heard about this great way to deal with having to make decisions that, for some reason, become impossible to resolve without fisticuffs.
B: “What would you like for dinner?”
E: “I don’t know, anything.”
<– cut –>
It’s 5-3-1 time! Person B has to make 5 suggestions, Person E gets to veto two of them, then Person B vetoes another two. The remaining option is the one you go with.
</– cut –>
B: “Nando’s, Subway, Maya Masala, Sumo-Salad, I.G.A.”
E: “Not I.G.A. and not Nando’s; we went there yesterday.”
B: “Okay. Not Subway. Not Sumo-Salad.”
E: “Maya Masala it is then!”
<– cut –>
It’s great because:
- We both get to veto two items.
- The person who didn’t want to decide, ends up saying the answer (which is like pseudo-deciding)
- The person asking the question has to come up with 5 options to start with (as opposed to none when asking the first question)
</– cut –>
We have successfully trialed this game and found it to be both easy to play and very effective.
I’m losing weight.
For as long as I can remember, I have been (within 700g of) 78kg. It’s really frustrating. For me.
A couple of months back we tried not eating any grains for an entire month. We both lost weight. We both had more energy and we both think that it was easier to not fly off the handle during that month. I found out about it via Tim Ferriss’ blog and was very happy that we tried it out. Only problem was; we just sort of tried it out; we didn’t measure anything and tried to stick to the plan, but weren’t too phased when we didn’t. Well, Emma did spend a bit of time feeling guilty, but that’s her favourite past-time.
So I have been very interested in Tim’s new book The 4 Hour Body. Great read, I highly recommend it for people who want to see things differently.
So, I’m doing a new experiment:
The Slow Carb Diet
- Avoid “white” carbohydrates (Wheat, Sugar, Potato, Corn, Quinoa)
- Celebrate Festivus once every week (consume as much, of whatever, as you want) [We party on Saturdays]
It’s not easy to follow, and I have paraphrased it down to the fundamentals because Tim makes some great suggestions as rules that are really reiterations of the first rule.
I did this for two weeks, went from 77.9kgs –> 73.9kgs and watched the fluctuations when I deviated from the plan. My body fat is now 6.9%. This part works!
So now, I’m going from Geek to Freak.
Target: 90kgs of raw Ben.
Same basic diet, but lots more protein. I went to the gym today, it was pretty entertaining. I am sure I looked mighty thin in the mirrors-of-self-love lining the long wall. Another fortnight and we’ll see who’s sneering at who, Conan.
I am teaching a class of year nine students an introductory unit on Shakespeare. This is painful in itself because Shakespeare has the unfortunate reputation among students of being difficult, boring and completely irrelevant to their lives. In order to get these ideas out into the open I like to start the first lesson with students completing a brainstorm of everything they already know about Shakespeare. They are allowed to write anything they want from titles of plays to their own feelings about the bard.
As I was explaining to the class about what they needed to do a hand shot up in the air. I said I would answer questions after I had finished explaining. During my instructions I wrote the word “Shakespeare” on the board and demonstrated what they needed to do. After I had finished I asked were there any questions to which the same girl from before put her hand up and asked “How do you spell Shakespeare?” The whole class looked at her until she realised that her question was now redundant seeing as I had written the word on the board for them.
Points to this story. Sometimes things may seem vitally important one moment and insignificant the next. You need to pay attention to what is going on around you or you could make a silly mistake and embarrass yourself or simply just waste your time. Just because you have your mind on one thing does not mean you can’t keep an eye on the bigger picture. Oh and everyone should learn how to spell Shakespeare.
Image by ugardener (Flickr)
Why am I the one who always has to change?
Uh oh, here’s trouble. I have come across this question pretty often in fact, it used to be one of my favourites. I think it’s a personal growth milestone of some kind. I remember being the poster boy for this phrase not so long ago (well, okay, a couple of years back).
I’m going to try to explain an answer. Strap yourselves in, it’s going to be bumpy!
Has anything ever worked out for you? Have you ever had something work out better than expected? Maybe? Okay, so let’s change this litte bit here…
Why am I the one who frequently has to change?
When you say “change”, it sounds like a bad thing? Do you mean you don’t like it when you get better results? So those are okay, so you really just don’t like it when you don’t get what you want, but only when you get less than you want? Can we make another little change then?…
Why am I the one who frequently has to be satisfied with less than I wanted?
Is this still what you are talking about? Can we make another teeny, tiny substitution?
Why am I the one who frequently has to be satisfied with less than I expected?
Now we are getting somewhere! What you seem to be saying is that you don’t like it when your results fall short of your expectations. So, if you were making a cake, it sucks when it doesn’t rise after you followed the instructions? Can I run with that for a second…? What if you missed a step? Would you be disappointed if it didn’t work out after you missed a step? Not really? What if the instructions weren’t complete? Same thing. Alright, what if someone gave you the instructions? like they wrote them down for you and handed you the note and, for some reason, not everything was on the piece of paper? I mean, it’s not like they did it on purpose; they were in a hurry; the kids needed to be fed; they got the recipe from a friend over the phone because they couldn’t find their own copy and that’s where they got it from in the first place….
That would be understandable then? Hmmm… interesting… Can I wave the magic wand for a second?
Why am I the one who, after following these incomplete instructions, frequently has to be satisfied with things don’t go as I expected?
Weeeeeeeell, that was a bit of a jump, let’s just cement that in with this quick question: Do you think anyone actually has a sure-fire, 100% guaranteed recipe for any of the things that are going awry in your life? Other than cakes, of course!
If I asked you this question, what would your answer be? Pretty obvious now, huh?
The real fundamental shift you have to make is realising that at no stage, no matter what you think, have been told or might infer from stories of success, do you have The Full List of Instructions for Success. At best you have The Partial List of General Steps to Someone Elses Definition of Success.
Until you write the book yourself. But that’s another post altogether.
Image by Monazza Tahla (Flickr)
I came across this poem while travelling the intertubes today and, after a bunch of searching about the place, I have realised that a) it’s not the original version and b) the women who wrote it, Sonny Carroll, has, in the last 10 years or so, had various domain names which she has allowed to lapse and remains reasonably googlically mysterious – aside from writing some very nice poetry that seems to have been treated like the recipe for beer (I love what you have done here, but I think my version is better).
In the spirit of partially continuing this tradition, I will post this without permission while seeking the same. Ms. Carroll, if you are still out there, can I please put this up here? I assume you wrote it originally and, for what it’s worth, it’s a beautiful description of something many of us might come to experience.
The Awakening – (by Sonny Carroll)
A time comes in your life when you finally get it…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you… and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself… and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself… and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties… and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people… and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
I found it here, but it’s also here, there and everywhere.
