Posts Tagged ‘waiting’
Waiting
No news is good news, it seems.
Well, that’s not actually true, no news is a veritable playground for wild and crazy reasons why there has been no phone call yet. If we knew something, even that Emma has been unsuccessful, that would be better for her emotional well being. Sort of. At least, if we knew something then we would know what to do.
More specifically, I would know what to do. Not being able to help is something I have experience with, but consistently not being able to help is really difficult to deal with. In theory this is good practice for later – the next audition, the birthing room, the first time one of the kids falls in love etc – but right now?
It sucks!
12 more days isn’t that long, is it?
My past has come back to bite me in the arse and it hurts. Sure I have made some pretty crappy decisions in the past, decisions which have left me with huge debt and not much to show for it. I think there are a lot of people like me out there and while it sucks to owe people money the real problem is that it has also restricted my freedom to a fair extent.
Take for example my current predicament. I have been offered a position performing in a children’s show in Singapore. Sounds fantastic right? It is. They pay for accommodation, food, air fares and I get paid per show I perform in. So what is the problem? The contract is only for three weeks, starting on the first of June, which would mean I would have to quit my job teaching at School to be able to take it. I can’t quit my job at School and go to Singapore without having another job lined up right after coming back due to how often and how much I owe on my loans. I’m also supposed to give a terms notice for quitting from a school.
There is also the fact that not only does School offer a steady paycheck but when it comes down to it, it is quite simple work, I plan everything in advance so I don’t have to take anything home, I usually get home by 4pm and when I am being truly honest with myself I do enjoy the work.
I guess it is about being patient and hoping that the opportunity presents itself again even though I really really want to take the job now.
Image by Enea (Flickr)
I’ve got 15 minutes spare while I wait for Emma to turn up for dinner. Now I can relax a little and watch the world go by for a bit. It’s really quite relaxing watching other people go about their business while I don’t, on purpose.
Really brings it back to me about what I do and don’t have control over. What I can make time for.
Me.
Yay! Batteries recharging at Supa-Rate(tm). This is the life.
Same life actually, different channel.
We have been given the all clear, the grey blob is now a white line (apparently that is good) and we no longer have to make appointments at the hospital which I was growing to really despise. I hated the sitting in the waiting room watching people come and go with babies. I hated being escorted into the little room and having to wait even longer while you could hear people chatting happily outside. I hated the sad looks the doctors would get on their face as they looked at the ultrasound screen and realised they had to deliver bad news. It was all too much and every time I had an appointment my emotional levels were uncontrollable.
Being told that everything was back to normal and we wouldn’t have to come back lifted such a weight. It was like being told that horrible time of my life was now over and I could move on with happier things. I know I will still be affected from time to time by the things that have happened but that knowledge that we could look forward to something other than hospital visits meant the world for me. It was what I had hoped they would say every time I walked through the hospital doors.
In short…I’m happy and I think Ben is too and not just because I won’t have a weekly excuse to play bejewelled blitz on his iPhone.
Image by Bebulaki (flikr)
Yesterday I was talking with Emma’s flatmate about when we are “supposed” to make the announcement to the rest of the family and the reasons why we should wait until the 12th week.
Why can’t we tell them now?
The answer, so far, has been: So many things can go wrong in the first 12 weeks that you shouldn’t say anything in case you lose the baby. That way we can quietly weep in the corner without people asking her how the baby is going.
Well, that’s stupid. If we lose the baby we will be very sad. Having people ask about the baby will not make it worse, it will allow us to tell them what happened, so that we can work through it. Our family and close friends will know in the end anyway, why try to hide it and make ourselves feel dirty? Let’s celebrate this momentus occaison and live it to the maximum!
I’m not ashamed of this pregnancy. I’m damn proud in fact!
Sure, I have no firm idea on exactly what I need to do, but I’m working it out. So is Emma. We both really really want to share this with our families; it’s a stupendously amazing time for us; and don’t forget scarey too!
So, in the spirit of not living in fear, we’re going to tell our parents tomorrow.
I wonder how they’ll take it?
Image by Bill Barber (Flickr).
